The Nation

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT In a revolutionary new plan announced by Assistant Minister for Road Safety and Freight Transport Scott Buchholz, Takata airbags which have been recently removed from tens of thousands of Australian cars will be refitted to the vehicles of drivers with multiple dangerous driving convictions. “It’s all about raising the stakes for dangerous drivers”, said Buchholz from behind the wheel of a beautifully restored early...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact For generations, a portrait of HM The Queen has watched over the reception area of the Betoota Dolphins Leagues Club. But for the past year or so, the portrait of our Head of State was replaced by Bridget McKenzie's official parliamentary headshot. It attracted the odd wry comment. Some thought it was a joke, others thought...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A man who rides the D45 bus into town from Betoota Heights each day to do something with a computer in exchange for money to spend on things he doesn't need is reportedly braindead until noon thanks to a new diet. It's called intermittent fasting - or skipping breakfast. No more pie goes into Dennis Orstrange's...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Australia's premier Northern Territory newspaper, the NT News, has today printed a front page begging Australians to not get caught up in the unhelpful fallacy of climate change denialism being peddled by their owners. According to the newspaper most commonly known for stories about crocodiles in pools and poo-related headlines: "Every Australian – and millions around the world –...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Federal Government has been forced to step in and protect Australians looking to purchase a new Holden by forcing them to undergo a brain scan to make sure their head is not full of rocks. Scans are also meant to make sure their head is on the right way, that it's not on backwards...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The world's largest investment fund manager, Blackrock, is divesting in fossil fuels. Not because they're concerned about the climate, they say, but because they can make more money for their clients by investing in the renewable energy sector. That's boiled the Prime Minister's piss because he's rejected that reasoning from Blackrock, telling reporters today in Canberra...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT In the most recent erratic weather patterns caused by this phenomena that has seen the climate appear to possibly change, bushfire-ravaged communities in both NSW and Victoria are today preparing ahead of heavy rain that could likely result in flooding. Rainfall totals of 30 to 80 millimetres have forecast for today, with strong falls possible for fire grounds in...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A local man has been removed from a family will this week after he made comments about climate change that his father did not agree with. British-American businessman James Murdoch, who is also kind of Australian but not really, said that he's disappointed with some things his Dad's media empire has been saying about climate...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The owner of a half-fucked Betoota Heights display home - and a rustic beach shack on the shores of Lake Betoota - let out a sigh last night before brushing his teeth, because his hopes of one day having a Quiet Australian son-in-law have seemingly been dashed. Mark Hudson's youngest daughter is really, really keen...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A Betoota Grove mother has rung each of her four children, including the one born outside of wedlock, to ask them to keep an eye out for the new Leunig calendar. And if they come across one, they're required to send it home. However, Marcia Rhed's youngest child had the 'gall' to tell her that Michael...