The Nation

Hayne Confirms That “Lifelong Dream” Is A Polite Way Of Saying “The NRL Can’t Afford Me”

17 May, 2016. 14:15 CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT As we reported yesterday,  San Francisco 49ers punt returner Jarryd Hayne has walked away from the NFL after only one season, to chase another lifelong dream. His departure has left fans and sporting commentators shellshocked, but Hayne says the Olympic Games in Rio are calling his name and has announced that is set to play for...

Sportsbet Introduces New Speech-Enabled ‘Banter Card’ To Insult Timid Punters

17 May, 2016 18:15 MERV HARRIS | Culture | CONTACT Betting website Sportsbet have today released their new ‘Sportsbet Banter Card', which contains a speech enabled application that audibly ‘throws chat’ at the card holder, pumping up their egos so they chuck a bigger bet on the next at Gawler. The speech enabled debit card compliments Sportsbet’s existing Cash Out debit card, but is aimed...

Complete arsehole shamelessly buys coffee on debit card

16 May, 2016. 14:23 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact AS ANY SMALL BUSINESS OWNER, barista or bar tender will tell you, whenever some poon hands you a credit card for a small dollar purchase, a tiny part of you wants to jump the counter and headbutt them until their eyes roll back into their head. And then there are deplorable human beings like...

Bouncer Asks Patron To Recite Man From Snowy River Backwards While Hopping On One Foot

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact ONE OF HIS FAVOURITE tricks is to tell a punter to go for a walk around the block, or to come back in an hour. He says seeing the look on someone's face when you tell them they're not coming in will never get old. You could walk around the block until the sun comes up...

Queensland legalises running over cyclists just days after Uber blitz

11 May, 2016. 11:45 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact MAKING OUT WITH YOUR boyfriend in a country under Shari'a Law is considered safer than riding a bicycle in the Brisbane traffic. That's because the Queensland government legalised running over cyclists this morning - just days the blitz on ride-sharing app Uber. People riding bikes in traffic has been a contentious issue...

Local man ‘doesn’t feel like doing much’ after listening to Radiohead’s new album

10 May, 2016. 11:45 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact DESPITE HAVING MUCH TO do today, one local office dweller is contemplating chucking a sicky after making the terrible mistake of listening to Radiohead's latest release, A Moon Shaped Pool, before leaving for work. The lion's share of the British group's back catalogue had at least four to five slow songs on...

Walkley Foundation now under pressure to give Waleed Aly award after Logies win

9 May, 2016. 11:34 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact TOWARDS THE END OF THE year, the Walkley Foundation is hosting its annual awards ceremony where Waleed Aly is expected to clean up in light of last night's Gold Logie win. Despite not having a specific gong for a most popular male television presenter, the Australian journalistic authority is expected to create...

Evidence of local man’s wild night recorded on shirt

8 May, 2016. 11:45 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact DESPITE NOT KNOWING what happened after 10pm, a local journalist says he has a fair idea after looking at himself in the mirror. Stained with red wine with a hole burnt through the armpit, 26-year-old sports writer Alex Dewhurst said it must've been fun, but he doesn't really remember anything. "Thank Jesus, Allah and...

Only A Very Small Part Of Melbourne Has Trendy Laneways, Says Jaded Middle Class

8 May, 2016 10:15 CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Residents of Melbourne's outer suburbs have today insisted that the outsiders perception of the Victorian capital is nothing but a result of good marketing and incessant instagramming. Every year Victoria’s population grows by the size of a packed MCG. One hundred thousand new people are added to the state every 12 months. 92 per cent of those new...

What no young Australian releases before they head out tonight

7 May, 2016. 18:45 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact KNOWING FULL WELL HE shouldn't be preparing to go out 'clubbing' tonight with the boys, one 27-year-old is throwing caution to the wind and doing it anyway. Not because he's broke or just plain boring - it's because he knows he'll be talking to members of his extended family tomorrow after what's...

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