The Nation

McKenzie: “Me Giving Big Money To Gun Clubs In Shooters Party Heartland Was Just A Coincidence”

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The key message from Bridget McKenzie's presser in Canberra this afternoon was that she really thinks the people of regional Australia are stupid enough to think it's just a coincidence her office granted money to gun clubs in Shooters Party heartland and nowhere else. McKenzie has been under fire for days over a bungled sports...

New Sneakers Transformed Into Old Sneakers By First Sockless Walk To The Shops

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A local man's classic Reeboks have taken their first steps to becoming the disgusting trotter covers they were put on this Earth to become today as their owner decided he didn't need to wear socks with them today. Speaking exclusively to The Advocate today at Gaz's Takeaway on O'Connell Street in the Old City, Darcy...

Eww! Sydney 4WD Drive Owners Wake Up To Their Cars Looking They’ve Been Off Road Or Something

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT 4WD owners in the Eastern Suburbs and North Shore of Sydney have today woken up to a horrifying sight. Dirt. With a thick layer of smoke coating the city again, the drivers of luxury and ordinary 4WD's are cleaning up the wreckage from rain that has caused their cars to look like they have been offroad. The scary...

Nation Starting To Think Scotty From Marketing Isn’t That Good Mates With His God

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT As the climate-change-aided bushfires that started in September continue to fuck our continent from top to bottom, things have escalated to a new level today. The estimated one billion native animals that have perished since late 2019 is a number that increasingly concerned ecologists are not ready to sign off on - as rural communities continues to struggle with...

Greek Resturant Offering Satay Bolognese Insists It Was The Greeks Who Invented Both Dishes

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A local Greek restaurant with over 140 separate menu items has defended claims that they're not the most authentic taverna in the Diamantina Shire. The Duke of Edinburgh Taverna in the Old City District has been an inner Betoota institution for over 60 years and has attracted a wide and loyal customer base. However, one...

Government To Let A Few Flights In From Wuhan To Scare Gen-Y Into Private Health Insurance

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Commonwealth is actively considering letting a couple more flights in from Wuhan this week in order to scare the nation's youth into taking out private health insurance. Wuhan is currently under lockdown amid fears the deadly 'coronavirus' is spreading in a rampant, uncontrolled manner. In order to prevent the flu-like virus from spreading, the wise...

Man Justifies Large Purchase Related To New Hobby By Telling Himself It Costs Less Than A Bag

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A man who was once described by this newspaper as a 'degenerate drug user' has justified the purchase of a used set of golf clubs today by telling himself it cost less than a gram of cocaine. Until he was caught by police at The Gelded Seahorse Hotel last year with a gram of low-grade...

“Surely That’s Curtains?” Asks Nation After Finding Out McKenzie Gave Her Own Club A Grant

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The nation woke to push notifications this morning from the ABC that lead them to an article which claimed Bridget McKenzie, who's currently at the centre of controversy surrounding a $100m pre-election sports club grant slush fund, had even given a club she's a member of a giant grant. However, Nationals leader Michael McCormack...

Scotty From Marketing Responds To Accusations Of Corruption By Firing Up Australia Day Debate

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT As several high-ranking Federal cabinet ministers are refusing to stand down over claims of unethical dealings which verge on full blown corruption, Prime Minister Scotty From Marketing has today addressed the nation's concerns. Senator Bridget McKenzie is under fire for handing out $100 million worth of community sports grant program to sporting clubs in marginal electorates, as well as...

Local Legend Reckons He Already Caught That New Coronavirus On The Weekend, Haha

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Betoota Heights plumber Toby Johnstone had to quarantine himself on Sunday. Loaded up with a big food delivery drop off and a season of the Office (American version) loaded up, the 27-year-old man locked himself down after contracting a dangerous virus. "Haha yeah," laughed the Betoota Dolphins backrower who picked up the virus on Sunday morning after ploughing...

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