The Nation

Lifestyle guru Pete Evans confirms ketamine can be part of a healthy paleo diet

21 April, 2017. 12:23 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A Bondi Beach ticker tape parade is said to be planned for celebrity lifestyle guru Pete Evans next week after he discovered that the popular animal-tranquiliser-cum-party-drug can be part of a healthy paleo diet - a way of life he's said to have pioneered. Speaking to The Advocate this morning via Skype...

Man from the country under fire for telling unemployed lefties to find a job

21 April, 2017. 12:23 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A prominent country gentleman has faced a barrage of criticism this morning for telling the unemployed members of the wider Australian community to 'get off their arse' and 'have a go'. The Deputy Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce was branded 'insensitive' and 'out of touch' this morning by a number of inner-city advocate...

One Nation Voter Says Proper English Should Be The Go For Immigrants, If Not Fuck Youse

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local Beautician, Kelsey Shayler (46) says the Government's reactionary decision to launch a major shake up of Australian's citizenship laws is fucking spot on. The changes mean would-be citizens would have to be permanent residents for four years rather than one; a new English language test will be introduced and applicants will have to demonstrate they have integrated by...

“We Need To Switch To Renewable” Says Arts Student Who’ll End Up In The Mines

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Stumbling through what should be his penultimate semester of tertiary study, a local university student is expecting another swathe of pass and fail marks to appear on his transcript come exam time. However, Sonny Gilbert has a sneaking suspicion that his three-year Creative Industries degree will spiral into a five-year study into abject human laziness...

457 Ban: Retrenched 55-Year-Old Absolutely Stoked With The New Availability Of IT Jobs

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Recently-retrenched Holden factory worker, Les Hartnell (55) says he's ecstatic that the Government has today decided to make life more difficult for skilled workers coming in from overseas. "I'm pretty well-trained in management and the admin side of manufacturing, but I haven't been able to find any new work. There's no more factories" he says. "But this new...

CSIRO develop joke that won’t offend anybody

17 April, 2017. 17:34 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Using data collected from the 2016 census, a team of researchers at the nation's peak scientific body have developed a breakthrough joke that can't offend anybody. The CSIRO revealed the laugh at a special public holiday press conference this afternoon in a designated safe space on Sydney's Lower West Side. In accordance with...

Man who doesn’t technically exist successfully sabotages North Korean missile

16 April, 2017. 17:34 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Having just made it out of the hermit kingdom alive, a local spy has taken time out of his afternoon to speak with The Advocate about his holiday-turned-espionage mission in North Korea last week. Arriving in Pyongyang last Monday, Josiah Bournemouth* said he entered the country using a tourist visa, which almost...

27-year-old loudly exclaims he’s getting too old after struggling to get off couch

14 April, 2017. 17:34 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Though he's beginning to enjoy listening to a Pink Floyd album from start to finish, a spritely West Betootan has shrugged off claims that he's getting old, saying it's is own call when it happens. However, that day is today. After a full morning of being hungover and seriously identifying with the majority...

Entire Family Forced To Eat Filet-O-Fish Burgers Because Of Mum’s Catholic Guilt

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A family road trip has been horribly timed with Good Friday, it has been confirmed. After several hours on the road driving to visit their cousins, the Mclennan family has been told they aren't allowed to eat any red meat during their lunch stop. "I know you guys don't care much about Good Friday. But it's...

Eskimo Joe forced to change name to ‘Inuit Joe’ after backlash

13 April, 2017. 14:34 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A number of social justice and left-wing political organisations are claiming responsibility for Perth band 'Eskimo Joe' changing their name to "Inuit Joe." The West Australians were attacked earlier this year via social media for having a politically incorrect name."Eskimo" is commonly used in Alaska to refer to all Inuit and Yupik...

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