The Nation

“White Male Privilege Is A Myth” Says 21-Year-Old Sitting Next To His Dad In Boardroom

LOUIS BURKE | Corporate | CONTACT Aspiring worker and future jet ski owner, Simon Richardson (21) reckons he’s had enough of people attributing their lack of success to factors beyond their control. “It’s the 21st Century. Sexism is over, racism is over, it’s time people started realising maybe it’s just the fact they’re not trying hard enough.” Richardson, the son of a wealthy Double Bay...

Maltesers At Cinema Equate To One Dollar Per Ball

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A recent study by the CSIRO has found that when purchased at the cinema kiosk, the confectionary product known as Maltesers are almost as expensive per unit as cigarettes. The chocolates, which are made up of a roughly spherical malted milk centre, surrounded by milk chocolate, has for many years been a favourite for Australian moviegoers, who are often tricked into impulsively...

Big Kahuna Politely Waits For Uber Driver To Explain How The Seat Slides Back

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local giant has today gone through the same paces he does every time he gets into an Uber by himself. That is, sitting in the front seat with his knees pressed against the dash until the driver notices and tells him how to make himself more comfortable. The big boy, Jack Dickson (31) is just over two metres...

Voter Appalled Out-Of-Touch Politician Invaded Her Privacy To Discuss Local Issues

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Karen Langley (54) is not happy with her local MP who she says is out of touch and doesn’t understand the local voter. “Whoever she is, what’s-her-bloody-name, she’s useless and she doesn’t care about us! Doesn’t want to know us!” Langely’s strong opinions about her local MP, Suzannah Moore, reached boiling point as a member of Moore’s team contacted Langely’s...

Old Bottle Shop Gift Bag Just As Good As Present Wrapping Paper, Says Local Slob

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local bachelor who doesn't have the patience or motor skills to wrap Christmas presents says the left over gift bags from an array of bottle shop purchases are just fine to use as a substitute. While not exactly taking into account how much he has been drinking of late, Nick Hewitt (29) says its all about the colours...

Quaint Summer Bedroom On AirBnB Excludes Photo Of Housemate Ripping Cones In Living Room

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A delightful bedroom that is available to be sublet over the summer break is not 100% indicative of the lifestyle that comes with the rest of the house, it has been confirmed. Jessica White (26) is leaving her in-demand suburb of New Farm over the next few weeks to spend time with her family in Toowoomba - and like...

Malcolm Turnbull To Take Credit For Winner Of Hottest 100 Vote

ROY MARTIN | Youth Culture | CONTACT Following on from the recent nation-building success of the Same Sex Marriage plebiscite, Malcom Turnbull has held a press conference today expressing his excitement at claiming another victory for Australia with the upcoming triple j Hottest 100 poll. With voting opening on December 12, Prime Minister Turnbull said he was confident that no matter the outcome, he’s...

Gold Coast Undecided On Which Sporting Code They Should Suck At Next

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT After countless attempts at creating a rugby league legacy in the coastal South-East Corner, and one so-so effort with the in the AFL, Queensland's Gold Coast are now deciding which national sporting code they'll throw another team that no one supports at next. "Hmmmm... Big Bash could be a very expensive exercisize" says Lyn Enshirt, a local councillor. "I like...

Nokia Still Not Sure Why The N-Gage Didn’t Take Off

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Executives from Nokia have today finally commented on their brief dabble with smartphones. "We can't believe the N-Gage flopped" said one executive, Phil Sigsworth. "We spent like 500 million dollars getting that prototype right" The N-Gage (a pun on engage) is a PDA combining features of a telephone and a handheld game system from Nokia, announced on 4 November 2002 and...

Bloke Who Didn’t Buy A Bitcoin A Year Ago Says He Nearly Bought A Bitcoin A Year Ago

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Steve Comimo was collectively told by his friends to “shut the fuck up about Bitcoin” today. The move comes after months of constant reminders from Comino about the fact that he once considered purchasing some Bitcoin. Shortly after arriving at the Royal in the Ponds, for a few afternoon drinks and a catchup, Comino told the rest of the boys how...

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