The Nation

Local Men’s Shed Gather Round Young Bloke Knocking-In A Bat Like Moths Around A Flood Light

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A young man from out town's French Quarter has been forced to pop into his local Men's Shed this afternoon to knock in his new cricket bat after his housemates got fed up with the constant banging. Situated on the corner of Rue de Branlette and Des Jardins Du Putain, the French Quarter Men's Shed...

Sex Scandal Worsens After Revelations Alan Tudge Officially Fucked 400,000 Other People

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The Federal Government's sex scandal has taken another turn today, with more damning revelations about Alan Tudge's behaviour coming to light. The Government has done its best over the last ten days to blatantly ignore allegations of entrenched sexism and misogyny in the party, as well as revelations senior family men were rooting people who weren't their wives....

Pete Evans Shares His Perfect Midweek Recipe For A Fertiliser Bomb To Take Down Government

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Former TV chef turned internet talking head Pete Evans has shared one of his favourite family recipes that's seen him draw the attention of many state and government agencies. Evans shared the perfect midweek recipe for a crude fertiliser bomb, which he says is perfect for taking down governments and fighting against the spread of...

NSW Government Defends $6.9M Acquisition Of A 1986 Suzuki Mightboy

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Berejikilian Government has been forced to defend yet another controversial purchase today, this time it's a 1986 Suzuki Mightyboy with fucked pistol rings and a worn-out clutch. The Advocate can reveal that Premier Gladys Berejiklian personally approved the $6.9m purchase of the high-kilometer micro-ute before ordering her staff to destroy all evidence that the...

Serial Killer Sprees Banned In South Australia Until New Outbreak Under Control, Says Premier

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Uh oh, sorry serial killers, it's not open season in South Australia anymore. The bad news comes as the people of the South face the consequences of a big old outbreak this week. Seventeen new cases have now been linked to a cluster in Adelaide's northern suburbs, with four active cases also announced yesterday. This means that serial...

Gympie Officially Changes Their Town Motto After Big Tino’s Performance In Origin Game II

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT One of the biggest rural epicentres in the Wide Bay–Burnett region has rebranded itself today, with a town motto for fitting for its rough and tumble character. Despite being famous for hosting one of the friendliest country music festivals in Australia, the town of Gympie is also known for it's rather punchy reputation in the tourist off-season. The town's 'throw-first-ask-questions-later'...

Melbourne Slams Reverse Card Down On Table, Sending The Spicy Cough To Adelaide

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Adelaide is the new epicentre of the nation's boomer remover outbreak as seventeen new cases of the spicy cough are recorded across South Australia overnight. Contact tracers and authorities are scrambling to gain control over the outbreak, which Federal Health Minister Beige Hunt labelled 'concerning'. The outbreak source is reportedly from Melbourne, who played the reverse...

Toowoomba Man Hides Lack Of Chopstick Skills With Subtle Stabbing Technique

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A relatively worldly Darling Downs man has today employed a secret technique used by those who don't know how to pick things up with chopsticks. Nick Gleeson (31) is very well aware that these eating utensils have been used in virtually all of East Asia for over 6000 years, but he just can't get it right. "From my understanding, the chopsticks were first...

Report: Nobody Quite Sure Why Small TV In Local Pub Plays Extreme Sports On Loop

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A damning report into the local hospitality industry has outlined a number of shocking shortcomings - including the fact that nobody knows why each licensed premises in the wider Betoota area has a small television playing extreme sports clips on repeat. Peter Godwin, from the Office of Alcohol and Gaming, handed down his findings today to the local shire...

Nonna Betrays Grandchildren With Frozen Tomato Sauce In Ice Cream Container

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local grandson has been distraught to learn that the blue tub in his nonna's freezer is actually just rock-frozen tomato sauce, not the neapolitan ice cream he was expecting. After being given free licence on his maternal grandmother's fridge, the 7-year-old went straight to the freezer to sauce for frozen treats that nonna sometimes buys after seeing...

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