Sports

Sam Burgess Finds A Quiet Room Down At Redfern To Practice The Goanna

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Rabbitohs star Sam Burgess is today attempting to shake off his Northern English roots by embracing the culture of his retiring captain and the Dunghutti people of North New South Wales. This follows an impressive Rabbitohs 38-6 win in which three try-scorers paid tribute to retired club legend Greg Inglis by imitating his famed 'goanna' celebration In-form five-eighth Cody Walker was the first...

“It’s Coming Home” Says Parramatta Man

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT One delusional ActronAir account manager has today made the ambitious claim that rugby league is coming home. He's just one of thousands of central-western Sydney footy fans who believe that this is their year, after suffering for so very bloody long. Local police have reported in a large spike in juvenile graffiti vandalism across the area, with some grown...

ARU Reconsidering Terminating Folau’s Contract After Impressive Character Reference From Hopa

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Australian Rugby CEO Raelene Castle has called an immediate meeting between all of the games executives to discuss whether or not they should continue with the sacking of star Wallabies fullback Israel Folau. Folau, who is facing a termination of his contract for using his social media account to once again posting fundamentalist Christian memes that banish non-believers and...

Inglis Reveals Body Still Hasn’t Recovered From Dementor’s Kiss

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Greg Inglis, one of rugby league's most decorated players, has announced his immediate retirement from the game after a string of injuries and other off-field battles. Namely, one particular incident at a community event in 2017, where he was tricked into a press-shot with Queensland politician Peter Dutton. "I didn't know who he was" Inglis told reporters at Redfern Oval...

Nan Demands Answers About Inglis

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local Betoota grandmother and staunch Maroons fan, Lorraine Barkley (82) has hit the phones today after hearing some heartbreaking news on the wireless. While tuning into the midday news update on her favourite easy-listening AM radio station today, Nan was made aware of the news that South Sydney, Queensland, and Kangaroos champion Greg Inglis has announced his immediate...

Victorian Friend Somehow Atop Of NRL Tipping Comp

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact A group of local NRL enthusiasts have been left dumbfounded today after their mate from Melbourne fluked his way to the top of their NRL tipping competition ladder. William Ashby, an AFL supporter, only started is foray into rugby league at the beginning of the 2019 season, and much to the disappointment of his friends, he now sits with...

Choc’s Anti-Vax Comments Somehow Not The Most Worrying Opinion To Come Out Of An Ex-NRL Player This Week

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Former Brisbane Broncos and St George playmaker Anthony Mundine has somehow hid under the radar this week, despite his controversial comments urging people to question the merits of vaccinations. The outspoken boxer has since responded to backlash after his sensational social media outburst - claiming his controversial views were posted “probably too fired up” when he framed vaccinations programs...

Super Rugby Crowd Numbers Believed To Be At All Time Low Because All Their Fans Are In Hell

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A recent report by the AIS has found that the main reason that Super Rugby is struggling is not because of the fact that most of our talent is in Japan or France, but because all of their fans are trapped in hell. This comes as the dwindling Australian rugby fan base criticises one of our three good players,...

Izzy Very Lucky It’s A World Cup Year

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact It has been confirmed this morning that Rugby Union star Israel Folau is very lucky it's a World Cup year. This confirmation comes after the arguably most valuable player on the field for Australia took to Instagram last night to post an appalling meme about 'gay people going to hell.' With Rugby Australia officially 'investigating' the latest social...

Fox Sports Hire 1000 New Journos To Cover Every Single Detail Of Valentine Holmes’ NFL Journey

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact Online sports organisation Fox Sorts has today demonstrated how good they are at keeping a finger on the pulse. With news breaking this morning that former NRL player Valentine Holmes has signed with the New York Jets in the NFL, the sports organisation has urgently hired 1000 new reporters to cover the unfolding story. From the first time...

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