Sports

NRL Player Goes Back To Brisbane Hotel Room And Puts On A Movie

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact In an incredible breaking story from the river city of Brisbane, The Betoota Advocate can officially confirm this morning that a promising young Rugby League player has decided to have an early one and curl up in his hotel room last night. The news comes this morning as the country prepares for the fallout from the NRL's decision to fly...

Brisbane’s Cocaine Dealers Put On Hundreds Of Extra Staff For Magic Round

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact The River City's Cocaine Industry isn't currently being run off it's feet today. With the NRL's Magic Round in town, and roughly 300 players looking for a bit of the good stuff that in all likelihood won't last in their system long enough to get them in any trouble, the city's dealers are flat out at the moment....

Report: Not A Good Weekend To Be Rocking A Sleeve Tattoo In The Valley

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact It's just been officially confirmed today that it is a very bad weekend to have a sleeve tatt if you want to be out and about in the Valley. With the NRL's Magic Round in full swing and roughly 300 rugby league players in the vicinity of Fortitude Valley, the city is on high alert. While their are...

Brisbane Begins Frantically Sandbagging Nightlife Precincts As NRL Magic Round Gets Underway

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The Brown Snake has already copped it ahead of the second ever NRL Magic Round this weekend. With all eight games for round ten played at Suncorp Stadium over four days, the hashtag #PrayForBrisbane went viral overnight with social media users showing their solidarity with the River City residents ahead 300 neckless titans arriving to play footy, and then...

#PrayForBrisbane Hashtag Goes Viral As 300 Rugby League Players Descend On The Brown Snake

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact The latest viral # on social media is running it's course today, as the nation begins to come to terms with the fact that 300 professional rugby league players will be descending on Brisbane this weekend. In an incredible first, the NRL has decided to schedule all 8 games this round in the same city and at the...

“Please” Says Queensland

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The entire State Of Queensland has today begged Melbourne Storm captain Cameron Smith pull the jersey back on, in an effort to squeeze one more year out of the iconic eight-in-a-row dynasty. With the magic of Meninga, Thurston, GI, Slater and every other stand-out from the once in a 100-year Origin squad now living off paid appearances at corporate...

NRL Integrity Unit Set Up Complaints Tent In Fortitude Valley Ahead Of Brisbane’s Magic Round

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The rest of nation is beginning to question what the fuck Brisbane was thinking by once again allowing sixteen NRL teams into their city to play eight games of rugby league over the one weekend. Over 300 thirsty and sexually-charged NRL players will be in Brisbane for a festival of footy at Suncorp Stadium starting today, with local residents...

Shorten Vows To Increase Participation Rates In Women’s Sport After Egg Girl Misses A Sitter

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT An Albury woman's failed attempt to land an egg on The Nightwatchman's head this morning has renewed calls for a drastic increase in women's sports from Opposition leader Bill Shorten. Mr Shorten announced today that his government would fund an extra 500 hours of live women's sports coverage on ABC television and online, as well as a $500 million...

Hire-A-Hubby Now Offering “Abuse Volunteer Referees At Your Child’s Football Match” Service

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Australian handyman and home maintenance franchise Hire-A-Hubby, have today unveiled a new service sure to plug a void in alpha-less households around the country. The new package includes basic mentorship for any son's and daughters who are taking part in kids sports without any overbearing father-figures to override their coach's instructions and threaten refs both psychologically and physically. The...

Extremely Volatile Pub Patron Turns Out To Be Brother Of Former Rugby League Great

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT An incredibly anti-social and provocative pub regular at Betoota's Lord Kidman Hotel has today rubbed up a couple out-of-towners with his brash behaviour. In the space of an hour or so, Glenn Stokes (45) has gone from yelling at the TV screen during several ill-fated bets on the ponies - to flat out abusing the new patrons he hasn't...

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