Sports

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT In some breaking news out of the nation's glitter strip, it is being reported that that the Gold Coast Titans have lined up their next coach. After sacking Garth Brennan mid-way through the season because of the organisation's appalling recruitment policy and club management, the Titans are reportedly set to hand the reins over to someone else as...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT In a damning report released earlier this morning, it has been confirmed that the last 7 weeks have been a complete waste of time for the nation's cricket fans. This comes after England somehow managed to lift the Cricket World Cup for the first time in its history, defeating New Zealand, the perennial bridesmaid's of world cricket in...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT In a frightening prospect for our country, national hopes for sporting success are now pinned on the national Rugby Union team. Following months of expectation, excitement and positivity, the country's women's soccer team and now men's cricket team have had their hopes for glory dashed. This comes after the old foe knocked us out of the World Cup...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A recent report by the CSIRO has found that the bastard child of soccer's evolution into rugby is now the most entertaining brand of Australian sport of all time. Rugby league, a full-contact sport played by two teams of thirteen players on a rectangular field. One of the two codes of rugby, it originated in Northern England in 1895...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT Brad Fittler has opened up about his deepest concern ahead of the series-deciding Origin game tonight. The somewhat unconventional Aquarius has revealed that he's extremely nervous about that fact that Mercury has gone into retrograde. For those not schooled in astrology, Mercury entered retrograde on July the 7th when it began to 'move in the oppositive direction to the...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT Queensland Maroons debutante Corey Norman has taken little time to start feeling at home in the Origin set up this week. After shadowing the team last game, and now getting called up for the all important Series decider, Norman has reportedly asked for a big favour from the Queensland Rugby League. Set to play in the halves on...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT In sensational news out of the English capital of London, it can be confirmed that World Number 1 tennis player Ash Barty has spent her afternoon off in unusual fashion. Following her demolition of Alison Van Uytvanck in straight sets early yesterday afternoon English time, the country's favourite sportsperson right now found a way to make herself...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Having convinced the nation he knows as much about footy as he does running a country, Prime Minister Scott Morrison is now locked into appearing at Cronulla Sharks home games in order to appeal to the average person who also pretends to like sport to fit in. However, it has been revealed one of the measures put in place...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT In some breaking news out of the Republic of Sydney this morning, it has been confirmed that the Israel Folau sage looks set to finally be resolved. The multimillionaire sports star who still drives a Lamborghini after being sacked for posting poorly made anti-gay memes that breached his contract, arrived to attend the first day of his Fair...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The entire sportsworld is beginning to feel sympathetic to the iron Rugby Australia chief executive Raelene Castle this week, as she continues to hold strong in the face of Israel Folau's elite sense of entitlement. The controversy was kicked off with a wildly homophobic Instagram post from Folau, in which he deployed misinterpreted scripture from The Bible to support his...