Sports

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local Bulldogs die-hard, Moey Katter (55) has today made an effort to look at the bright-side of his club's late off-season bedshit. Following the NRL's most recent off-field incident, the behaviour of some kinda good but not really that promising young Bulldogs prospects looks to have cost their club a lucrative major sponsorship with restaurant chain, Rashays, which was...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT As many around the country and the globe begin to panic, one local sports fan has been praised today for keeping a cool head. While those around him in the Betoota Heights chemist frantically scrambled to grab as much hand sanitiser as quickly as possible, Brayden Clark made sure he picked the best one. With an array of...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Working for the Prime Minister is never an easy job but staffers for Scotty from Marketing have found their job has recently become much more demanding and now without the incentive of scoring an above-ground swimming pool. One staffer, former Young Liberal president Luther McSurplus (28) has stated his day-to-day duties have become more demanding following the PM coming...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT As the new NRL season rapidly approaches, many have awoken today to eagerly watch the new NRL promotional video. From those who love the game of rugby league and it's widespread appeal, to those who love whinging about political correctness and things not being the same as they were 30 years ago, the new commercial has certainly...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In some news from the glitter strip today, it can be confirmed that the Gold Coast Titans promotional video is nowhere near the most offensive thing the team has done in the last few years. The Titans are under fire today for posting a 'hype video' of starlet AJ Brimson dancing to the popular song Suge by Dababy,...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The French-based Super League club The Catalans Dragons have this week announced the signing of yet another controversial Australian who would not be able to find work without them. As most clubs in the Northern Hemisphere rugby league comp appear to be deeply unsettled with controversial Australian star Israel Folau's entry into their competition, their concerns did nothing to...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT As the sports rort saga continues to deepen, it has been confirmed today that it's apparently easier to give out $100 million worth of dodgy grants than get bushfire relief out to fire-affected communities. While bushfire relief in the form of tax relief, grants, concessional loans and remuneration for volunteer firefighters has been announced and is currently being...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT With Cyclone Uesi making its way towards the coast of Queensland, terrible flooding hitting the South East Corner and QLD and NSW preparing for more torrential downpours this weekend, residents on the other side of the country are also preparing to batten down the hatches. Despite no major weather events being forecast for the capital of the aspirational...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In a not so feel-good sporting story out of a safe Labor seat today, young Millie Watts is up against it, it can be confirmed. The talented young tennis player is currently being forced to deal with sub-standard facilities because her silly mother and most of the other people in the area she lives in vote for the...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Betoota Heights resident Trev (50) has today assured The Betoota Advocate that he actually doesn't care that the Sydney Roosters have lost young game-breaker Latrell Mitchell ahead of the 2020 season. The man celebrating half a century up today down at a local pub has explained that he isn't concerned at all about losing the dynamic young centre who helped...