Sports

NZ Warriors Ask Tamworth Local Council For Assurance Barnaby Won’t Come Down To Play Touch

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The New Zealand Warriors have today asked authorities for one last favour - to stop a certain individual getting down and disrupting their return-to-season pre-season training. The struggling NRL club have asked the game's organisers and Tamworth Council to please ensure that local man and Member for New England Barnaby Joyce is kept away from their facilities....

Ricky Stuart Tipped To Run As ALP Candidate For Eden-Monaro After Debuting Glorious Moustache

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Canberra Raiders coach Ricky Stuart is the value bet to win Labor pre-selection as the Federal Candidate for his hometown of Queanbeyan, following the appearance of a new and perfectly groomed moustache. This comes after the region's long-serving Federal Labor MP, Mike Kelly, has ended months of speculation by making the "gut-wrenching" decision to resign from Parliament to...

Only A Greek Could Have Pulled This Shit Off Mate, Says Local Greek

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT May 28 is the date for kick-off. The NRL Telstra Premiership will recommence as a 20-round competition on May 28 with the Grand Final to be played on October 25. Origin is also scheduled to go ahead following the Grand Final, which means each three matches will be taking place deep into the warm Spring months. Which is glorious...

Cricket Australia Urges Nation’s Players To Stay Sharp With Rigorous Training Regime

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT As the tough discussions with broadcasters about the TV rights deal looms, Cricket Australia has today shown the nation it's an adaptable and modern organisation. Speaking this morning, Cricket Australia CEO Kevin Roberts has revealed an innovative Social Distancing Training Regime. With the nation's cricketers unable to stay sharp getting frustrated down at the nets, Roberts explained that...

Overpaid White Collar Man Concedes Defeat And Decides To Start Playing Golf Horribly

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact While some have baking and Kayla Itsines to keep them occupied during isolation, the poor sport-loving men in Betoota have had everything they hold dear taken away from them. With no rugby sex-scandals to gossip about, no bender rumours to spread and really nowhere left to turn, a helpless and defeated Jonathan Breachmore has decided to take up...

Basketballer Mate Tries To Outdo The Last Dance: “Did You Know Jordan Doesn’t Eat Capsicum?”

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact The recent release of Netflix’s much anticipated Michael Jordan documentary, The Last Dance, has brought a lot of happiness to the lives of basketball fans and novices alike. Despite it being the only documentary that takes viewers behind the scenes of the 1997-98 Chicago Bulls, local know-it-all Andrew Tollin seems to think he knows more about Jordan’s life...

Novak Djokovic To Play Mullumbimby Masters As Warm Up To Aus Open Next Year

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In some breaking sports news from Monaco, reigning Australian Open Novak Djokovic has confirmed that he'll be playing an unusual warm-up tournament next year. The Serbian star revealed that rather than the traditional tournaments in Sydney and Melbourne, he'll be playing in the Northern Rivers town of Mullumbimby. This comes after he outed himself as an anti-vaxxer, stating...

Alan Jones Just Wants Wallabies To Win Like They Did When All Blacks Were White PE Teachers

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Conservative radio shock Alan Jones has predictably decided to not go easy on Raelene Castle today, following last night's news she was standing down as CEO of Rugby Australia. Jones had been one of Castle’s harshest critics throughout her doomed appointment that saw her attempting to bail water out of a sinking ship that been dragged through...

Lote Tuqiri Turns Down Both NRL And Rugby Australia CEO Positions To Focus On Reggae Album

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT As two of Australia's most loved non-AFL footy codes face the prospect of collapse under the gruelling COVID-19 lockdown, the one man that can save both games has today said "nah". Dual-code international and famously tough board negotiator, Lote Tuqiri has today turned down both the NRL and Australian rugby CEO positions. This comes as World Cup-winning Wallaby captain...

Not So Humble Now: Sore Loser Kiwis Already Whining About Not Winning The Bledisloe This Year

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In some news from across the 'dutch,' the nation of New Zealand has reportedly forgotten his humility this week. This comes after the nation's citizens come to terms with the fact that it looks increasingly likely that they won't win the Bledisloe this year. That would mark the first time since 2002 that the mighty All Blacks won't...

Social

781,079FansLike
603,780FollowersFollow
119,365FollowersFollow

Breaking News