Sports

Fox Sports And Nine Quietly Get To Work Editing Out Certain Clips From Origin Highlights Reels

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT In some breaking news, both Channel 9 and Fox Sports have told their archivers and video editors to get to work immediately this afternoon. It is believed that due to some developments in a court case down in New South Wales today, there is now a lot of blue coloured film on the cutting room floor of both North...

Maroubra Houso Kid Who Gets Paid To Concuss Other Men Surprisingly Not That Politically Correct

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Sports reporters and administrators are continuing to appease Twitter sentiment this week, as they stand by their condemnations of Cronulla Sharks player Toby Rudolf's decision to say what he was genuinely thinking on live television. However, the NRL playing group is in uproar over the formal warning being handed to the Sharks prop - following an offensive comment he made...

Rugby League Player Disciplined For Providing Public With Insight Into What He Is Genuinely Thinking

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The pearl-clutching Australian media elite are today spin-drying their white linen as they prepare to once again crucify another charismatic athlete for daring to have a personality. Cronulla Sharks star Toby Rudolf joins a long list of NRL players to face severe media backlash for saying something that your run-of-the-mill rugby league canteen mum would find hilarious, if not...

Government’s Delayed Vaccine Roll-Out, Rape Scandals, Dodgy Grant Scandals To Vanish At 7PM

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The mounting allegations of sexual assault levelled towards high ranking Federal government staffers and ministers is set to not longer be an issue, as of 19:00pm this evening. The same goes for this criticism the government is facing for the fact that Australia has had the slowest roll-out of vaccinations of any country in the developed world. This will no...

Melbourne’s AAMI Park Unveils Bizarre Statue Of Sméagol From Lord Of The Rings

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Victorians are today demanding answers from the operators of Melbourne Sports and Entertainment Precinct, after the erection of a statue that no one really called for. During a press conference with several Melbourne Storm players earlier today, two giant sculptures were unveiled to reveal an icon of Melbourne rugby league, and a creepy sub-character from the Lord Of The...

Cameron Smith Expects Nation To Honestly Believe He’s Not Gonna Pull A 2001 Alfie Langer

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT PULLIN AN ALFIE: Rugby league legend Cameron Smith has today announced his retirement the only job he has ever had, playing football in the NRL, killing all the speculation about his future. Smith has been honoured today alongside fellow Storm icon Billy Slater with a bronze statue outside of AAMI Park, This comes as a suspiciously quick and sudden announcement,...

NRL Distances Itself From Toxic Misogynistic Culture Of The Federal Government

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT With footy season just one lousy, enormous week away, the NRL has decided to draw a line in the sand when it comes to respect for women and distance themselves from the toxic misogynistic culture of the Australian Federal Government. This announcement follows the growing revelations that the federal government was aware of at least two allegations of sexual...

Report: Little Athletic’s Dad Had A Few Beers The Other Night

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In some breaking news from the French Quarter, it can be revealed that a local father consumed a few alcoholic beverages the other night. The confirmation comes in the form of some squiggly little athletic track lines, that look a little bit like the skid marks you see on the back road leading out of a regional town....

Wests Tigers Offer Man Who Outsprinted Tommy Turbo In Grainy Footage An $800,000 Contract

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT As the NRL season rolls ever closer, the Wests Tigers have once again thrown a big-money contract offer down on the table. The club that has a mortgage on the 9th spot on the ladder, has reportedly reached out to the bloke who beat Tommy Turbo in a footrace, to dangle a huge carrot. "Sources are telling me...

Victoria Take Break From Booing Aboriginal AFL Stars To Focus On Booing Public Health Efforts

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Victorians have once again proven to the world that they are the most culturally frustrated population in our country - after an embarrassing incident of crowd behaviour was broadcasted right around the world last nights. The tennis crowds were even more feral than usual following last night's Australian Open final between Medvedev and Djokovic. Tennis Australia chair Jayne Hrdlicka was...

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