Sports

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact In an attempt to make the next generation of Australian cricketers have a competitive edge, backyard favourite 'Swing King' have announced plans to introduce a "DIY Swing King" to the market this spring. The Swing King Pack ships with a replica yellow sandpaper sheet, a stick of Watermelon Splash lip balm and a small vial...

INGRID DOULTON | Relationships | Contact A prominent Betoota Grove fuck boy from a well-heeled fuck family has spoken this afternoon of his plan to keep his eyes glazed over until the next small lull in conversation affords him the opportunity to pick up where he was so rudely interrupted. Peter Debonaire, a 28-year-old Betootacone Valley fintech youngtrepreneur, found himself at an industry networking event...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact Retiring Origin great Billy Slater has been thrust back into the headlines again today, after controversially winning the Golden Ball overnight. The Golden Ball is the award handed out to the best player at the FIFA World Cup, and at 3AM Queensland time last night, outgoing Maroons Fullback, Bily Slater was sensationally announced as the award's...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A local ambiguously-Danish-Australian has told reporters that he plans to resume his old role in the office of knowing nothing about soccer today as the World Cup wraps up in Russia. Christian Jepsen works as a civil engineer at the French Quarter's fourth-most prestigious construction management firm and prides himself on being the third-floor sports...

LOUIS BURKE | Lifestyle | Contact In a season that has included winning 6 games and losing a bye match, the Parramatta Eels have again made NRL history by becoming the first team to score a previously unheard of ‘Own Try.’ Eels replacement centre Talum Huntley-Cartwright made a linebreak in the 78th minute of the game, unaware he was running in the wrong direction. Eels players...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact Queensland has risked eighty minutes of season-ending injuries and general exhaustion to win one of three matches in this year's Origin series, it has been confirmed. Billy Slater of the Maroons has been named man of the match in Game 3 of the 2018 State of Origin Series at Suncorp Stadium on last night, in an explosive send-off for...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Basketball Australia has made a sensational call today amidst the continued fallout from the brawl in last weekend's match with the Philippines. Australia’s national basketball team, the Boomers, made headlines around the world a week ago after getting involved in a good old-fashioned all in the stink with their Filipino counterparts.   Today the organisation has officially appointed former...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The Argentinian Healthcare Service has politely rejected an offer from the nations demigod, Diego Armando Maradona, this morning. The legend of football and hero of Argentina, reportedly offered to donate his organs to the national health system in the event that he passes. The all-time great, (possibly even the greatest, he is revered in his home nation more...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact The trolls just won’t leave Lucy Zelic alone. The host of SBS’ coverage of the FIFA World Cup has been targeted again overnight, this time for her pronunciation of English footballers names. Covering this mornings match which saw England beat Colombia in a penalty shootout, Lucy Zelic notably rolled her R’s when pronouncing striker Harry Kane’s...

KENT REGINALD | Sports Psychology |Contact Netflix have today announced the release of a brand new True-Crime documentary miniseries, dedicated to the on-going investigation into the mysterious disappearance of the entire Australian Cricket team during their recent tour of England. The new series reportedly chronicles the journey of dozens of detectives and investigative journalists, spanning two continents and 5 cricket grounds, as they...