Local News

Cruise Ship Passengers Looking Forward To Experiencing Gastro

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A senior Betoota Grove couple has spent this past week keeping their fluids up because they're about to board the Pacific Pearl, a popular cruise ship in the South Pacific. Glenda and Colin Masseman have told The Advocate this afternoon that they look forward to experiencing everything the 'cruise life' brings, including a shocking bout of gastro. The sexagenarian...

City Worker Treats Himself To A Hard-Earned Beer After Gruelling Four Days In The Office

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact While the rest of his coworkers are still galavanting up and down the coastline, one brave junior portfolio manager has braved the fierce coalface of the sharemarket this week - alone. Darcy Robuck, a 25-year-old trader at bespoke local private asset management firm, Madden & Fellatio, told our reporters that he deserves the beer he's...

Steady Increase In Social Media Tagging An Indication New Romance Is Going Well

TRACEY BENDINGER | Popular Culture | Contact For Jack Coffey (28), the bravest thing he did in December 2017 was to tag Tessa Blumenthal (25) in a short online video of a dog drinking water from its bowl. A seemingly innocuous gesture to most, but for Tessa, and her eagle-eyed best friend Joanne, it meant that Jack was totally into...

Bloke Slapping Hand Against Himself Feels He’s Contributing To Applause

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Watching his local cricket team coast to yet another victory late this afternoon, a popular grazier had a beer in one hand when the side's star batsman pull another short ball to the boundary. Many of those around Steve Gumble felt compelled to applaud the batsman's skill and ability, which they did by putting their hands together politely. But with...

Study Finds Majority Of New Years Eve Celebrations To Be Held Around One Of These Cultural Icons

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Found in over 60% of Betootanese backyards, the eponymous 'kick-on table' as it's known in the local vernacular, is bracing itself once again for another party. The residents of 63 Morrison Road in the leafy, exclusive enclave of Betoota Grove, have told our reporters that their outdoor setting is going to be getting a workout tonight...

“New Year, New Me!” Says Woman Who’ll Be Buying Durries At 2 AM Tomorrow

KENT REGINALD | Social Pages | Contact A local woman is convinced that 2018 is going to be her year, despite the fact that she'll change absolutely nothing about her behaviour or the decisions she regularly makes. Tessa Phillips, 29, is hoping that midnight on New Year's Eve will mark a new start for her, and she plans on celebrating the...

Man Unsure He’ll Ever Be Able To Jump In A Pool Again Without Flash Of Anxiety About iPhone

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A man who knows for a fact that he doesn't have his iPhone in his pocket, has still checked his pockets after diving into the pool. Despite never having actually unwittingly jumped into a pool with his phone since the Snake II days, local man Bretty Johnson (30) says it is now human nature to check his pockets after...

Holidaying Reader Sends Message To Newspaper Regarding Typo In Recent Article

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Editorial Early this morning, The Advocate received a letter from a local reader currently holidaying in Fiji. Though he took the time to explain just how great the Pacific nation is this time of year and whatnot, he was quick to the point and didn't mince any words. The subject of the letter was in relation to...

Mum’s Been Ready To Go For The Past 2 Hours

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A local mother has jangled her keys at her husband since 3pm local time, indicating that she's ready to go. Shortly after lunch had concluded at her brother-in-law's place, Marcia Willmott began saying her goodbyes. Her husband, Christos Willmott, had other ideas. Their adult children are on board with Mum and have tried to pry their father...

Cash From Grandma Will Always Be Most Practical Gift Local Man Will Ever Receive

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact There are many practical things Greg Toad would've liked to have received this morning from Santa. Perhaps an electric toothbrush or a ten-pack of socks. Even a bag of lollies from the chemist would've been enough. But put all those things aside, the most important and useful gift the 28-year-old will ever receive for Christmas comes in...

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