Local News

Handsome Local Greek Suffering Severe Injuries To Cheeks After Visiting Grandmother

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local Greek man is in a stable condition after suffering severe lacerations to his cheeks, following a late lunch with his yiayia and her friends at a nearby Helenic cafe this afternoon. 30-year-old Adam Xiannikis was found unconscious in the carpark of a local inner-city shopping centre with both his cheeks bruised and bleeding, after being told how handsome...

Man Glad His Friends Take The Time To Remind Him That They’re In Europe And He Is Not

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Speaking candidly to The Advocate over his fourth coffee of the day, Dennis Coleman said that the highlights of his days recently is to scroll through his many social media feeds to see what part of Europe his friends are enjoying now. It's no skin off the 28-year-old's nose, as he's just happy knowing that...

Betoota Dolphins Leagues Club preorder commemorative ‘Dolphin pingas’ for Mad Monday celebrations

IMRAN GASHKORI | Sports | Contact With only two regular season rounds left to play, the Betoota Dolphins are hot favourites to take home the Collett Cup wooden spoon after specularly winning last year's premiership with a stunning last-minute field goal.  That means that a Mad Monday celebration is just around the corner. Though the season kicked off earlier this year after...

Stepdad Doesn’t Know How To Dress

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local loser who honestly thinks he can measure up to the father of his new stepsons today thrown on the leather jacket in an attempt to look cool and get on their level. After 18 months of marriage, the 40-something landscape designer has worked quite hard towards 'chumming up' to his wife's kids from a previous marriage. His...

Local Student Confirms That A Bomb Did In Fact Go Off In Her Room

MARCIA WALSH | Local News | Contact A Daroo Street Polytechnic design student has shared her harrowing tale of how after being asked if a bomb had gone off in her messy Caldwell Street bedroom, she had to confirm that an explosive device did go off, making her room resemble a Mosul farmers market. Maggie Wonderlup, 21, confided in The Advocate a short moment ago and...

Queenslanders Somehow Okay With Paying For A Steak That They Have To Cook

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Queensland has today revealed that when beer and red meat is involved, just about anything seems like a good idea. With the late 2000's trend of cook-your-own steak pubs showing no sign of becoming a tired novelty, local venue operators are revealing just how much money they've made from this bizarre challenge of manhood. "We've had people coming...

Local Man Exaggerates How Good The Weather Is In Thinly-Veiled Effort To Get Pissed

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local man, Palmer Grafton has spent the last couple hours making calculated comments about how nice it is outside in a blatant effort to get pissed, it has been confirmed The South-Betoota event planner has made it clear to everyone to everyone in the office that he thinks the current weather is the type of weather that he thinks...

Broke local farmer prays for rain in his year-old John Deere header

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A south-west Betoota farmer thought the biggest hurdle he'd have to jump over this year was tossing up between using his new disc seeder to put his wheat in or drag the chisel plough over it then direct drill it like he's always done. "It was a matter of how much residual moisture there was in the soil," said...

Local salesman wonders if boss will ever be satisfied with how much he’s sold

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A sales executive from a niche East Betoota tech start-up broke down late yesterday afternoon and confided in The Advocate in the smoking pokies at the Betoota Dolphins Leagues Club and said he didn't know if his boss would ever be satisfied with his job performance. Jack Carter, 23, sells e-commerce software that tracks purchases and traffic and other...

Local Apprentice Bolts Toolbox To Centre Of His Already Impractical Flat Tray Ute

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local apprentice, Hamish Hickey, has today shocked his entire worksite by debuting a customised toolbox in the centre flat tray of his lowered 2004 Toyota Hilux. After finally securing an apprenticeship with a local builder, the aspiring chippy has gotten overexcited by three seperate paychecks checks in as many weeks. "I just took out a personal loan. It's only had...

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