Local News

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT Betoota's very own on Flight Path District has played host to an incredible scene today. The aptly named Betoota Flight Path Cafe has reportedly turned a profit, for the first time in its 43-year history. The monumental achievement comes despite the fact the majority of the hospitality sector actually ran at a loss. While local papou Giannis Costas...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA local bloke who has priorly shown no interest in being the least bit progressive, has suddenly found himself very capable of using ‘they/them’, after his girlfriend enquired about his night with the boys. At a loss as to how he could get around explaining that his mates had ushered over a group of exceptionally attractive women and that,...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA local woman has been left wondering if she’s just being an entitled millennial, or if the instructions for her weekend Airbnb really were that ridiculous. Speaking to The Advocate today, Bronwyn Court states that she’d booked a trip with her partner to the Blue Mountains for their three year anniversary, choosing a cute little cottage with a...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT In breaking news from one of Betoota's most iconic watering holes, it can be confirmed that Nepali visa workers are carrying the entire nation's love of high salt and high sugar pub meals on their back. As the hospitality labour shortage continues to cause grief for small business owners, Australia's Nepali cooks remains a cheat code for pub and...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA bloke has this week been able to successfully curb his chewing gum habit by finding a suitable, albeit, less tasty replacement, with his hoodie strings. Sean Reeves is said to have developed the habit while he was working at home for a few days with covid, having spent the entirety of it lazing about in his favourite...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A year 7 student at Betoota Ponds Sports High has been treated for mild nicotine poisoning this morning, following an fateful encounter with some outdated disciplinary methods at the hands of a veteran PE teacher. It is believed that Alfie Butters (13) was forced to finish up to twenty-five 1200 puff disposable vapes in one sitting, after being caught...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactTaking a glimpse into her bathroom mirror, local woman Tess Thornton knows she’s pushing it a bit by prolonging her hair washing to day four. But seeing as her hair is pretty high maintenance and requires a five step washing routine (otherwise she’ll look like Hagrid) Tess has to allow for roughly a one hour time slot in her...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA Betoota Heights mum has this week announced to her daughter that not only does she plan on visiting her in Melbourne, but surprise! She’s going to stay for a whopping two weeks! It’s reported that Alyssa Gunn had floated the idea of her mum visiting Melbourne sometime in July, but was under the impression she’d pop up for...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT A local French Quarter man has been laughed out of a room full of his friends today.  The humiliating incident occurred when the man named Dylan Roebuck suggested the Pizza Hut order include a few Margherita’s for a Sunday night piss-up.  With a cacophony of laughter like a few rival kookaburras dueling it out on a calm winter’s morning, Roebuck...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA bloke has today proved he might just be a modern day Socrates, delivering a thought provoking argument about towels. It’s alleged the man in question, Dave Templeton was questioned by his girlfriend Bec this afternoon, who’d suspected he’d been using the same towel for almost three weeks.  Hoping that he instead just so happened to own multiple towels...