Local News

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTGlen Mathieson (25) and his two share house companions deeply regret the day Jared Hobley (25) became their new housemate.  Sure, they needed a fourth person to cover the rising costs of rent and bills. But if the last few months has convinced them of anything, it’s that they’ve taken in Australia’s stingiest housemate.“He works from home so he’s...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT It was on for young and old last night at the inaugural Betoota Dugongs sportsman's fundraiser dinner, as our town's finest grade cricketers and their families gathered to raise money to send the under 16s side one a once in a lifetime tour of Bangladesh. The opportunity for the juniors to visit the subcontinent for the first three weeks...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTA Spartacus-like standoff has been taking place in Australia for close to 100 years as it has been confirmed 80% of Australian grandfathers claim to have been the first to put cheese and Vegemite together.Invented in Melbourne in 1923, Vegemite is a beloved breakfast spread that celebrates everything Australian; brewing too much beer, trying to outdo the English,...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTA happy couple have announced they’ve got another bubba on the way with often competitive dad Felix Falls (34) saying he doesn’t care what gender the baby is as long as it’s healthy and a boy.With a gender reveal on the way the Falls family are excited to reveal to their loved ones if they will be having...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT In Betoota Ponds, a local teenager might have a lot more behind him than Betoota Ponds Independent Fuel. Standing out the front of the Betoota Ponds Service station, teenager Braden Decker (14) enjoyed a litre of energy drink, a grave flavoured XXXL vape, and a nearly drought ending amount of spits. In fact, witnesses report at one point Decker spat...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact A local geriatric from Betoota Heights has today taught a young 'pen pusher' an interesting lesson. After being called down from the roof he was working on in the Heights district, Bruce 'Bruiser' Billson offered the Occupational Health And Safety Office interrogating him some sage advice. "Mate, don't fucking start me with all your red tape bullshit alright,"...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA local woman and dopamine addict has this week came to the conclusion that though knowing your worth is very peaceful, it’s also incredibly boring. Florence Young is said to have promised herself that she’ll no longer entertain blokes who come with glaring red flags, as she’s simply ‘too old’ to accept low effort behaviour, late night messages,...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact In a shocking development from the United Kingdom this morning, a pair of brothers mourning their grandmother have today failed to punch each other in the head. Not only that, the pair has failed to show even the slightest microaggressions towards each other, and have seemingly behaved in a civilized manner while walking behind the dead body of...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT A rebellious TV sales specialist is believed to be updating his resume this week, as he weighs up the opportunity to join the dark side. After spending the last two years slinging home appliances and whitegoods at the flagship Harvey Norman located in the Betoota Heights supacentre, local man Sean Howarth is understood to be thinking about...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA couple who innocently thought an armchair would make a nice addition for their bedroom have this week copped a strange look from their friends, after showing off the beautiful chest of drawers they’d nabbed for a bargain on Marketplace. Chris and Sandra Brown are alleged to have had another couple over for dinner last Sunday night, who they’d...