Local News

Boyfriend So Cute When He Has No Idea The Fuck Is Going On

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTA recent report by the Australia Society of Heterosexual Girlfriends has found that 63% of women find their boyfriend at their most adorable when the silly duffer has no idea what the fuck is going on.The 12 year study tested a group of 680 partners in a variety of potentially adorable scenarios but found that the women studied...

“We Changed The Name Because It’s More ‘Him’” Says New Parents Of ‘Shitting Potato’

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTA last minute name change has taken place at St Toff’s Private Hospital as new parents went with a rogue name choice for their new baby boy.According to new parents Sasha and Maverick Stephenson, when their screaming little fleshy parcel of bones was brought into the world they took one look at him and decided the name they...

Unmarked Purple Commodore Ute Really Not Nailing The Whole Inconspicuous Thing

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTA local police officer has made it clear he definitely has a dad in the force by selecting a purple Holden Commodore Ute as his unmarked police vehicle.Unmarked police cars are recognisable by their visible antenna and the joy they spark in mum when she correctly identifies one in the wild.Usually, unmarked police vehicles are dull grey colours...

Report: Mums Of Australia Agree No Takeaway Until Chrissy Leftovers Are Gone

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTIn the glorious lost days between Christmas and New Year’s, Australian children and adults alike enjoy a relaxed schedule of chilling the fuck out with whatever streaming service is providing the goods right now and an unholy amount of food and bevvies.Although our r ‘n r schedules may differ from person to person, one thing all mums of...

Bedroom YouTuber Releases Film Review 2 Hours Longer Than The Film

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTLocal movie viewer Amy Franklin (28) faced a difficult decision today.A blessed resident of the jewel of the Diamantina, Betoota dwelling Franklin was deciding whether to see the latest superhero movie currently playing at the pictures or watch a detailed deconstruction of the film on YouTube that clocks in at two hours longer than the film itself. “Jesus Christ,...

Bloke Takes One For The Team At Indian Restaurant By Ordering Something Other Than Butter Chicken

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA group of Brisbane locals have decided to try sharing food at a restaurant instead of having their own dish for a change.Though this is customary in many cultures and makes a lot of sense, considering food FOMO is a real thing, it’s still a relatively new concept amongst the Nudgee boys – all of whose ancestry is...

Younger Cousin’s New Boyfriend Looks Like He Gets Around A Bit Of Luke Combs

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT In what can only be described as a Christmas miracle, it seems there may be another real country music fan in the building this boxing day. Arriving as the newly crowned boyfriend of one of the younger cousins, the big unit looks like he clearly enjoys the finer things in life. Namely, Ned Kelly tattoos, oversized photocromic fishing sunnies, Jack...

Regional Dad Kicks Up A Stink After Being Presented A Cup Of Tea In Mum’s Mug

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactRegional father of three Michael Hanneman is a real man’s man.Not only is he able to fix anything around the house but he can proudly recite the name of every James Bond movie.But like every man’s man, Michael cannot stand anything remotely feminine without taking it as a personal attack on his fragile ego. This is due mainly...

Boomer Dad Finally Able To Spend Some Quality Time With Gamer Son By Chucking On 1923

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactThough he’d never openly admit it, local dad Sean Shanahan has made quite a few attempts to bond with his eldest son, Lachlan, who has been somewhat of an enigma to him all of these years. As a rough and guts, beer-drinking, former gas fitter, and both a man of few words, Sean has struggled to find common ground...

Nimbin Used To Be Way Better, Says Uncle Spud

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The alternative Northern Rivers enclave of Nimbin is no where near as good as it used to be, it has been confirmed. This was clarified last night at a pre-Christmas dinner with Dad's side of the family, as the one uncle who can speak as an authority of on this topic decided to put to bed any suggestions that...

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