Local News

Nation’s Florists Just Pulling Prices Out Their Arse For These Morons

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local bloke, Ed Moore (27) is of the understanding that an individual rose always costs $65 per stem. "Jesus, I don't why we are going to war over oil when there's fields of this shit somewhere" he says in front of the 19-year-old assistant florist who has guided him to the last remaining Valentines Day Roses at 11am. "This is...

Student Lies To Herself And Says She’ll Wake Up Early And Finish Assignment

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Rather than putting the finishing touches on her last essay of the semester, Daniella Sawkins elected to head out with friends and enjoy the last Sunday evening of term at the local. Enjoying a miscooked $10 rump with the sauce she didn't ask for, one sem-sav-sunrise quickly turned into seven and before she knew it,...

Legend Pulling Cones In Middle Of Vibrant House Party Definitely Running From Something

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Despite the fact that his friend's house party is well and truly pumping, Brad Miller (20) has decided to find a table in the courtyard and smoke marijuana non-stop through a ceramic bong. The fact that he has brought his own novelty bong with him to a party where most people are drinking cocktails is not lost on the...

Local Dad Makes Quick Dash To Get The Car Ready After Watching ‘Lion’ With The Family

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT 68-year-old fibreglass swimming pool builder, Glenn Hardman has left his two adult children and wife in the lobby of his local cinema to quickly go and get the car ready, it has been confirmed. Without saying anything about the film they just watched, Glenn whispers 'I'll meet you in the car park, I think your mother wants to...

Touching! This small town came together to murder ‘unpopular’ local resident

8 February, 2016. 11:34 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact On the first of August last year, the body of a retired teacher and former scoutmaster was found in bushland on the edge of Betoota. Dennis Coolidge was discovered in a shallow grave with his hands tied behind his back, covered in multiple burns and contusions and two small calibre bullet wounds...

Bloke Who Arrived At Pub After Kitchen Closed Now Eyeing Off Free Lamingtons In Pokie Room

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Arriving at the pub at 8:45 was not a good move for Sydney man, Charlie McCarthy (29). After a late client meeting, he rushed to meet his remaining unmarried mates at the local Bag 'n' Famish Hotel, only to learn that he had just missed the opening hours of the kitchen. "I should have known better. Of course you...

Bloke’s handwriting is so appalling he gave up trying to spell correctly years ago

7 February, 2016. 16:34 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact There was a time in Sam Grotley's life when he used to care about his handwriting, but that part of him died shortly after Peter Brock miscalculated a downhill sweeping left-hander. Not long after, the predictive text and spell check on his mobile and laptop left his desire to spell words correctly...

Unfiltered White Ox Rollie Confirms Dodgy Landscaper Has Spent Some Time In The Pen

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A group of Betoota roadside council workers have today concluded that the older bloke who has been put in charge of one of the utes has probably spent a bit of time in the nick. Their assumptions come from the fact that he smokes roughly one unfiltered, roll-your-own White Ox branded cigarettes every 15 minutes, also the...

Grown man still thinks it’s appropriate to have that t.A.t.U poster above his bed

6 February, 2016. 11:23 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact When leasing agent Lisa Ackorn found herself stumbling into Kevin Foster's bedroom early on Saturday morning, she knew she'd made a serious error in judgement. "If I knew he had a poster of those t.A.t.U girls pashing on his wall, I probably wouldn't have got in the cab," she said. "That and the...

Insurance Analyst, (40), Ready To Get Fucked Up After Listening To Old DMX Playlist

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local insurance analyst, Luke Maestri, has spent the morning remembering the good old days when he and his mates would drink 660ml cans of Woodstock Bourbon and fight cunts. Despite living a sterile, white collar existence - Luke is having warm feelings in his loins as he thinks about when he was 'about that life'. These feelings, he says,...

Social

720,224FansLike
533,255FollowersFollow
52,775FollowersFollow

Breaking News