Local News

Local Riff Raff Redlines The LowLux In Third Gear To Show Off His New Fuck Off Cannon Exhaust

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A South Betoota meat worker has taken time out of his busy afternoon of talking shit on Facebook and spitting in public to speak about his evening plans and what other types of mischief he's going to get up to tonight. Deverell Slacks, 19, told The Advocate that he's saved up all week to fill...

Local FM Radio Station Apologises For Unprecedented 20-Min Gap Between Ed Sheeran Songs

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A top-rating Betoota FM radio station has been forced to apologise after failing to warn listeners that there'd be a 20-min gap between Ed Sheeran songs, which led to an unprecedented 600 complaints made to the broadcast ombudsman. Catfish 98.1FM took time out of the popular afternoon drive program, Harvs & Henn, to say sorry to their...

Ex-Steiner School Kid Struggles To Count Past Ten Without Her Bongo Drum

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A recent graduate of the Betoota Heights Steiner School has exceeded her own expectations by mastering basic arithmetic in the face of overwhelming odds. Dennise Carp, 19, finished her Queensland Certificate of Education (QCE) last year with an OP 22, which even she finds hard to believe. Going on to endure the shame of counting with her...

Bloke With Large Melon Not Allowed To Try On Mate’s Sunnies

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local bloke is very well aware that he has a melon much bigger than most of his mates. Since young adulthood, Sam Perrington hasn't been able to engage in friendly banter with anyone without the size of his noggin' being brought up. Because of this, the 32-year-old boilermaker from West Betoota, has not been able to engage in...

New Study Confirms: Enjoying A Dart In The Pool Is The Height Of Luxury

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Australia's peak scientific body revealed the findings of a new study this afternoon that set out to discover what the height of luxury is - causing some controversy in the process. The CSIRO came to the conclusion that the must enjoyable, luxurious activity a human being can do is to enjoy a 'premium' cigarette such...

Old Codger At The Pub Wants To Know Who Opened Up A Can Of Good Sorts

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT An old codger has made it clear that he is surprised by the amount of good looking young women drinking at The Lord Kidman in Betoota. While drinking his regular pint glass of weird old people beer, retired newsagency owner, Lyle Patterson (77) is getting away with saying things that anyone 40 years younger than him would be crucified...

First-year politics student becomes expert in French politics overnight

24 April, 2017. 15:34 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A 19-year-old politics student at South Betoota Technical College is the talk of the town this afternoon after becoming an expert in the ins and outs of the French political system overnight. Close to a dozen of his classmates swooned over Gregor Liston, who now sports a gleaming hickey, as he regaled them with humorous...

Man’s faith in world tested as Gogglebox wins Best Factual Programme Logie

24 April, 2017. 15:34 ERROL PARKER |Editor-at-large| Contact A South Betoota shopkeeper had his faith in humanity tested last night as he watched the TV Week Logie Awards from behind the counter of his local mixed business. Walter Kowalczyk often watches a number of commercial television programs of an evening while he works, giving the 65-year-old an all-encompassing knowledge of what's hot and what's...

Student says she’d shave her head for wine money before doing it for charity

23 April, 2017. 15:34 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A struggling South Betootan TAFE student has revealed to The Advocate this afternoon that she'd be open to raising money by shaving her head - but only if it was in support of her own rampant alcoholism. Citing that most charities are just rip off merchants that play on the heart strings of...

Local Dad ‘shocked’ and ‘appalled’ by what son wore to festival

22 April, 2017. 15:34 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Attending the GumNutterz Festival out on the Betoota city limits last weekend, Greg Portman was eager to shed the Tarocash uniform he's forced to wear to work each day for something a little bit more befitting of his left-leaning politics. Wearing cut-off jean shorts and a handsome, joyful and charming vest complete...

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