Local News

“Look Babe, There’s Plenty More Fish In the Sea… And Most Of Them Have Much Tidier Rigs”

14 January, 2016 10:45 CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Between tubs of chocolate ice cream and light-hearted Will Ferrell comedies, Samantha Hendry is trying her very best to comfort her heartbroken best friend, Margot Bowler. Approximately 48 hours ago, Margot was dumped by her long-term boyfriend, Jacob - on the grounds of her being too boring. "I'm trying my best, but she honestly thinks he was...

Local Dad Successfully Blames Unusual Internet Usage On Teenage Son

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Chuffed local man, Andrew Morris has spoken to The Betoota Advocate today about what he describes a "fucking close call". When confronted by his wife, Angela, about a concerning spike in the household's monthly internet bills - the self-employed father-of-three was successfully able to shift the blame from himself - to his 15-year-old son. "I would have been in...

Local Grandpa Says David Bowie Is The Reason He No Problem With The Gays

  CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT 72-year-old retired railway worker, Bruce Goddard says that until he and his mates discovered the music of David Bowie - they were quite scared of the idea of gay people, and almost certain they didn't really exist "Mate we grew up on Elvis and Chuck Berry, we never knew there was a community of blokes out there rooting...

Newlywed Vigilantly Monitors The Likes On Her 10-Minute-Old Wedding Photo

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Ellie Keaton-Mcgrath has been married for just over 25 minutes, and despite the fact she is now surrounded by her closest family and friends, she is also keeping a very close eye on how the people who weren't invited to her wedding are responding to a Facebook photo she has uploaded of herself walking down the aisle. Shortly before...

Barnaby Joyce Tweets Disturbing Selfie During Visit To Flooded QLD Channel Country

ERROL PARKER |Editor-at-large | Contact FOR THE FIRST TIME since 2010, Queensland's Channel Country has flooded, news that was brought to the world via the Minister for Agriculture Barnaby Joyce's recent tweet, a photograph taken on the banks of the makeshift inland sea - just south of Windorah. Widely considered to be some of the best cattle finishing land on Earth, the...

Report: There’s Actually Like A Whole Week Between Christmas And NYE

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT While caught in the midst of a four week holiday break from work, Georgina Lorigan says she has lost complete track of time. "I couldn't tell you if Christmas was yesterday or a week ago - I don't what day it is," "Staff Christmas drinks weren't too long before my family Christmas, but I've had so many different Christmas...

Head stockman says all music that isn’t Slim Dusty is “pump me in the arse” music

30 December, 2015. 15:34 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact TIM WHOLEMAN WAS promoted to head stockman of his Kimberly cattle station on the first of December this year, bringing in a ban on all music that wasn't recorded by Slim Dusty while his team of ringers is out at camp. "Everything else is 'pump me in the arse' music. Can't bloody stand it,"...

Local Dad Forced To Drop Son From Backyard Cricket Side Just Days Before Cousins Arrive

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT LOCAL FATHER-OF-THREE, Chris Richards has had to make the painstaking decision to drop his most timid son, Andrew (14), from the family's backyard side, ahead of the arrival of the in-laws tomorrow afternoon. "I didn't want it to be this way - but as captain, coach and selector - it's my duty to make sure we have the best side...

Local Man Struggling To Give A Fuck About Coworker’s Drunken Confessions

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local man, Toby Lockyer has found himself in the least desirable seat at this particular staff party. While enjoying an open bar at a local surf club, the entire office at J.B Media Buying have been forced to adhere to designated seats within the venue, in order to help cultivate their famously "social work environment". Mr Lockyer got seated next to...

Bouncer Behaving Pretty Much Exactly Like The People He’s Kicking Out

16 December, 2015 17:45 CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local nightclub bouncer, Roddy Blake, spent a good part of last night forcefully removing patrons from the venue he is employed by. "Smoking, spitting, swearing, rowdy behaviour... That's a pretty good indicator that it's time for you to get 'pretzeled' out of the place," While Mr Blake acknowledges the importance of his job, he also recognises...

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