Local News

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTIn a decision that might be harder to understand than the enigma code, single fella Brodie Dawson uploaded a photo of himself to Tinder holding a fish that he just killed.Although he judges anyone who takes a photo of their food, Dawson simply cannot kill a fish without getting a photo with it which is how he ended...

DR CHET SPEVENS | Finance Expert | CONTACT A recent study by BetootaSuisse found that at retirement age every single Australian will need at least six times more superannuation than what they will have if they wish to experience any kind of comfort in their remaining years of life. I for one am not surprised. So many of my clients spare little thought for...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT A local man-child is cursing the plight of sustainability today after struggling to polish off a milkshake over his lunch break. After spending the first few hours of his day managing spreadsheets for a financial advisory firm, local big unit Jacob Rigsdale (37) decided that he’d spice up his Tuesday by indulging in maxi sized ‘Tim Tam...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactPopular streaming platform Netflix yesterday revealed a set guidelines for account sharing which would ensure accounts could not be shared outside of a household unless the user was connected to the household Wi-fi at least once every 31 days. This update is alleged to have been accidentally posted across help centre pages and since been taken down, but shows...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT A share-house of Uni students have managed to square the ledger this morning, plating up a sweet dish of revenge to their boomer neighbours. The Advocate understands tensions have been running high this week, as local uni students Harlow (23), Amira (25) and Callum (22) face the fall out of last weekend’s Hottest 100 party, which was...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT An act of human to animal compassion took place in Betoota today as a thoughtful couple of young urban professionals laid down big money to rescue a purebred dog from a bespoke breeder.  In the past 15 years, professional dog breeding and puppy farms have fallen out of vogue with 2nd hand or ‘rescue’ dogs now being the socially...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact A French Quarter woman has this week regressed into being a fetus after knocking back a few too many free savvy bs last night, which were a result of roughly six months of bar vouchers from her team placing in the top threes for trivia. It’s alleged her team (Jizz Roulette) chose a week night to get more bang...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Relationships between parents and their children can become harder to maintain as the children become adults and move out of home. But for Betoota Heights father of four Con Jocks (57), keeping up to date with his adult kids is as simple as giving them a call just to let them know about all the halfwits he absolutely destroyed...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA survey conducted by Music Trends Australia has today found an amusing correlation between millennial blokes who have a vague understanding of the German language, and being fans of metal band Rammstein, who are revered for their operatic goth style tones and bizarre, theatrical stage antics that pretty much combine pyrotechnics and BDSM. According to the lead researcher, Natalie...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A Betoota Heights man has done his best Pinocchio impression today, by telling all of his colleagues a big old lie. While his nose didn’t grow out like a Guillermo Del Toro stop motion wooden boy, Brad Preston was apparently fooling few at his workplace when he told them “No real plans, so just take it as it comes,”...