Local News

Baby Boomers Glad They Won’t Miss Anything When They Take Entire Planet With Them

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local Baby Boomers, James and Mary Grant (both 65) say that their looming mortality is not a concern, because they aren't going to miss out on anything. "The way these kids carry on, there'll be nothing left by the time we kick it" says the career barbecue retailer who doesn't believe in climate change. "All this lot do is...

Waleed Aly hangs picture of monologue godfather John Oliver above bed

21 June, 2016. 14:34 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact RANTALISM IS THE FLAVOUR of the month in world journalism at the moment - and there's none more successful that British-born American television entertainer, John Oliver. The unique fashion in which the 39-year-old Brummie mashes comedy, journalism and yelling has taken the world by storm, inspiring a generation of mid-career television presenters...

Dad Knows What A Real Biff Looks Like

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Despite the fact that two of his three sons have actually spent time in holding cells for punching on, local dad, Greg Lovett (66) is the only member of his family that actually knows what a real blue looks like. While he doesn't often talk about his younger years - it is assumed by most male acquaintances that Mr Lovett...

Hungover Urine Probably Dark Enough To Warrant A Full Flush

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact THERE IS A CERTAIN AROMA to urine that's gone stale inside a person, it usually smells like Tooheys White Stag passed through an old Dunlop Volley. It's unmistakable. The most civilised Australians have a can of Glen20 for moments like this, for the hours after you've been forced to have fish soup for lunch or even the most...

Friendly Bloke Who Volunteered To Drive On Footy Bus Trip About To Have A Horrible Weekend

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A friendly local Christian man, Andy Sinoto, is about to experience the worst 24 hours of his life, it has been confirmed. As a keen community man and devout supporter of both the church and his district's football club - Mr Sinoto has thrown his hand up and volunteered as the designated driver for this weekend's footy trip...

Family Vacates Living Room To Leave Dad Alone With His Denzel Movie

  CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact Local dad, Bruce Tattersall has spent the last hour and a half shouting at the television, it has been confirmed. While sitting upright in his singlet and underpants, the 56-year-old father of two is continually adjusting the volume of his television to drown out the odd conversation happening elsewhere in the house. "Oh... hold up..." he shouts. "He's in...

Chinese Take-Away Rated Most Viable Industry In Western Queensland

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact Australia's world-renowned Outback Chinese restaurants have today been rated as the most viable industry in Western Queensland, according to a recent report by the Australian Financial Review. For the first time ever, the sector has been listed number one, just ahead of roo-shooting, poker machine gambling and professional sport. AFR analysts believe their industries stronghold comes after...

REPORT: Referring To Parents By Their First Name Is Creepy And Weird

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact A new study by the University of Queensland has found that people who only use first names when referring to their own mum and dad are not normal. UQ Professor Roald Blyton says that of the 4000 people surveyed, those who used the terms of 'mum' and 'dad' were 95% less likely to join youth-oriented political parties,...

Flashbacks Of Horrifying D&M With Stranger Are Haunting Man This Afternoon

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The squad began lighting him up on the group chat before the sun came up. Not because he made an inappropriate pass at someone he shouldn't have and not because he publically exposed him. He blacked out, telling his friends he can't remember anything after 5pm. He was on autopilot. But the boys cannot stop laughing at...

Impulsive Friday Blow-Out Ruins Whatever Girlfriend Had Planned For Saturday

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact WAKING UP EARLY ON SATURDAY afternoon, 29-year-old Carter Stephens didn't feel like doing much - in fact, he doesn't feel like doing anything until Monday. It feels like ants are crawling all over his brain. He's almost convinced himself that he's dying. Thoughts of doing Dry July are crossing his mind, despite his birthday being in the...

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