Girlfriend Of 3rd Grade Prop Tells The Big Fella That His Coach’s Fat-Shaming Is NOT Okay
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
The Betoota Mutts are dealing with some strong allegations about their culture, after being soft cancelled this week.
The foundation club here in the Channel Country is trying to hose down public allegations that they have been 'fat shaming' some of their players in pre-season.
Those claims come from the girlfriend of 3rd grade flake Aaron Austin, who...
‘Fuck Here We Go Again’: New Lana Del Rey Single Spurs Woman To Revisit Entire Catalogue
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactLocal woman Kayla Fortunati remembers exactly where she was when she heard Summertime Sadness for the first time.
Having been briefly introduced to Lana Del Rey the year before, with her breakout song, ‘Video Games’, Kayla had been completely unaware that her world was to be soon turned upside down with the what could arguably be considered one of...
Shacked Up Mate 8 Years Off The Market Reckons He’d Do Alright On The Apps
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTOne old dog reckons he can learn a few new tricks, as self-described ‘Wife Guy’ Ben Roman (30) reckons he’d know what to do on the dating apps, even though he’s been off the meat market for eight years.
Having been with his wife Nina for eight years (married for the last three) Roman’s last days as a single...
Oh Fuck: ‘Fishing Trip’ Wasn’t Code For Anything
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTA local idiot has found himself envying the worms on the end of his hook as it turns out that ‘Fishing Trip’ wasn’t actually code for anything.
Being the sort of person that lives in a suburb where coffee beans are purchased in cafes to grind at home later, French Quarter local Scot Claren (30) admitted he got a...
‘God, Is EVERYTHING Pride Now?’ Mutters Frustrated Boomer Simply Trying To Watch The News
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA bloke from Beaconsfield has today found himself getting royally pissed off, after failing to outrun the rainbow that seemed hellbent on following him everywhere.
Scott Watts is alleged to have noticed the vibrant colours trickling in for the past few weeks, whether it was his local gym, bottle shops, or simply trying to do his banking.
And though...
Dad Befriends Local Delinquents As Part Of Long-Term Plan To Destroy Trees Without Council Approval
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
In a political landscape hamstrung by bureaucracy and red tape, one local dad has taken matters of urgency into his own hands.
Todd 'Blackie' Black (62) has today purchased his first packet of Winfield Blues cigarettes in 25 years.
"Forty five bucks?! Fuck me" he says to the local tobacconist, who hasn't actually sold anything but disposable vapes for a...
Girlfriend’s Annoying Goblin Dog Just Fucking Staring At Ya
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactAs he tries to watch a movie in peace after a shitty day of answering emails from obnoxious clients, local bloke Jeff Austin can feel that weird energy boring into him.
It’s that fucking dog again.
His girlfriend’s strange goblin dog, just sitting on the couch armchair with its questioning, silent gaze.
Always watching, always waiting.
But what for?
He doesn’t know.
“WHAT CUNT!?”,...
Girl Who Moved To New York Admits Her Broad City Dreams Haven’t Exactly Worked Out As Planned
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactThough Anita Lang should have known that any depiction of twenty somethings living in new york would be highly fabricated, it appears that even the more honest version shown in Broad City might not even be an attainable goal.
Stating that she knew Friends, Sex and the city, and how i met your mother, were very obviously a pipe...
Local Wait Staff Enjoy Betting On Which Table Of Valentines Will Make It To Easter
KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACTA team of bored waiters have spiced up their shift this evening by running sweepstakes on the tables in their restaurant.
Packed to the rafters with couples foolish enough to book a Valentine’s Day dinner package, local Italian joint ‘Snottis’ restaurant on Betoota Wharf is heaving under the weight of romance and house merlot.
With couples securing a...
Report: Plastic Servo Rose Should Do The Trick
FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT
A new report has found that a plastic rose from the local servo, valued at only $9.95, is the perfect Valentine’s Day gift.
Totem Tennis Coach Larry Pearson, from Men Against Love Expressed Sentimentally (MALES) says the report was compiled in an attempt to highlight the importance of providing a token gift of affection, whilst at the same time...
