Local News

Local Woman Now At The ‘Replying To Random People’s Instagram Stories’ Level Of Wine Drunk

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactThough it heavily contributes to her hangxiety the next morning, there’s nothing Sheevaun Nowak loves more than replying to random people’s instagram stories. To rephrase that, there’s nothing DRUNK Sheevaun loves more than replying to random people’s instagram stories, especially if they contain thirst traps that are very obviously not intended for her. But hey, she’s a girl’s girl,...

Neighbourhood’s Most Recent Divorce Tragically Civilised And Gossip Free

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT As a gossip drought continues to plague Bond street in Betoota Heights, the rumour that local parents Mary and Jim Boyle might be getting divorced came as a surprising, if not very welcome neighbourhood update. Sensing both ears and her brain were burning, local gossip Jan Tognolini was immediately at the door of the alleged Boyle household with a...

Local Girl Farewells Life Savings After Best Friend Promotes Her To Maid Of Honour

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACTA local girl is cursing the devastating man drought that’s sweeping the nation, as she braces to feel the full economic effects of wedding season. Unlucky in love and unlucky in life, local bachelorette Amy Spencer is preparing to wipe her life savings clean today after being handed maid of honour duties for her childhood friend Claire...

Wildly Inappropriate Kitchen Staff The Closest Local Bar Girl Will Get To Visiting Italy

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA local woman has this week discovered she might not have to spend thousands of dollars on a trip to Italy, after getting a pretty authentic experience working in a bar kitchen. It’s alleged Daphne Sanderson had made the decision to visit after coming across a Tik Tok user who stated Italy was the perfect place to visit...

Woman Who’s Keen On Tradies Asked How She‘ll Feel About Waking Up To A 5am Alarm Every Morning

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA French Quarter woman has today been given some thinking to do, after realising that the thought of dating a tradie was probably a lot better than the reality of it. Theo Howard is said to have announced to her girlfriends that her ideal husband would be a tradesman, coming to the conclusion that all tradies were loveable...

Veteran Professional Typist Horrified By That Fred Again’s Pointer Finger T Rex Technique

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT With plenty around the nation currently obsessing over a young English man named Fred, it can be confirmed that one local woman isn't buying the hype. 64-year-old small business owner Cheryl Berrigan revealed to The Advocate that she is not at all impressed with the man her daughters are idolising right now. "Fred Again? More like Fred backspace...

Report: How The Hell Do You Do This? 

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTLovers of obscure fruits are pumped for summer as the red and rather baffling pomegranate is back in season, ready to utterly confuse the shit out of us once again. Although they lack the glamorous ad campaigns one might associate with mangos, avocados and bananas, pomegranates are a fruity cult favourite known for their weird little bursty kernels of...

Mum Telling Anecdote About Stranger Informed That Accent Impression Isn’t Crucial To The Storyline

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactLocal woman Anita Bellingham has today had to reign in her mother again, after a charming anecdote about a run with a stranger resulted in some pretty insulting impressions. Anita tells The Advocate that she reckons it might just be easier to just use a spray bottle on her parents, as they managed to bust out an inappropriate...

NBL Players Treated To Bottomless Dominoes Cheesy Crust Mega Meatlovers For Annual Awards Night

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The night of night's for Australia's Basketball League has gone off with out a hitch, it can be confirmed today. Taking place in the bottom floor meeting room of somebody's office down in Sydney, the National Basketball League (NBL) reportedly rolled out the red carpet to help its players celebrate another blockbuster season. With all of the stars...

Woman Gently Informed By Mates That It’s Time To Stop Talking About Situationship From Two Years Ago

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA woman has been informed that it’s time to move on, after not only being stuck on the same bloke for two years but one that she hadn’t even had a relationship with. Shannon Riley is reported to have tortured her friends by mentioning the guy whenever possible, even using her situationship experience as a point of reference...

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