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Local Priest Mistakes Man’s Confession About Sex Crimes As A Job Application

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Controversial local Catholic priest, Father Ricepell, has today embarrassed both himself and an anonymous penitent - who had approached the confession booth to seek penance for historical sex crimes. Father Ricepell, who was recently moved to the Diamantina area after running into 'a mischief' in Tamworth several years ago - was left confused by the man's admission that he...

Barnaby Joyce Already Looking For Scaffolding Work On Gumtree

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT It is believed that Deputy Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce is already on the job hunt this evening, after being made aware by a foreign Government that he is listed on their books as a dual-citizen. Today it was revealed that the Member for New England is, in fact, a dual citizen - seemingly putting him in breach of...

Barnaby Joyce Spotted Drinking Tui Long Necks Out Of A Wooden Crate In Logan Pub

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The question marks around Deputy Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce's citizenship are beginning to swirl rapidly after photos have emerged of the former Tamworth accountant drinking long necks of New Zealand lager in a Far-South Brisbane bikie pub. Witnesses say Barnaby was seen ordering a "bux of flaggins for his bros" before saying saying "churr" and asking the bartender...

Report Finds IKEA Outlets Make Up 85% Of All Outskirt Suburbs In Nation’s Cities

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A recent report by the Australian Population Policy Taskforce has found that a large portion of semi-rural suburban areas are completely taken up by giant IKEA warehouses. "What we have found is that there is little room for much else off the motorways of between the Gold Coast and Brisbane and Sydney's Western Suburbs" says...

Local CEO’s Teenage Daughter Discovers Boys 6 Months Into $200k Horse Riding Phase

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The fact that his daughter's brand new horse has sat locked in a stable for four weeks without once feeling the brand new saddle that was bought for it is not lost on Craig Warner. The Chief Executive Officer of the Diamantina PharmaCo, Mr Warner has been begged for nearly a decade to buy his 15-year-old daughter Sally a...

Lucy Leaves Out Malcolm’s Brown Leather Jacket To Remind Him Of Who He Used To Be

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull has stood frozen with guilt for close to five minutes, after catching a glimpse of his iconic leather jacket in the Point Piper walk-in wardrobe. It is believed that the jacket was left out by former Sydney mayor and staunch LGBTI community advocate Lucy Turnbull, the wife, through law, of the Prime Minister. "Honey. Ah." says...

Four Corners: NSW Accused Of Dumping Rubbish North Of The Border Into QLD

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The Queensland Premier will seek urgent talks with the Premier of New South Wales today over the dumping of waste north of the state border. These allegations came to light over the weekend after the Gold Coast Titans record 54-0 loss to the Brisbane Broncos on Saturday. "This isn't a good look for both of us" she said. "A Queensland...

Country Girl Now Living In Byron Fails To Mention How Many Cows Her Dad Has Killed

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The daughter of a prominent St George cattleman has today had a close call - after her old man sent her a strip of cattle hide to plait with her new bohemian friends in Byron. Ellen Seymour (23) has so far slotted in quite well to a new crowd of open-minded faux-hippie 'creatives' living in the Northern Rivers region...

NSW Premier Suggests Disguising Homeless As Council Workers With Hi-Vis Clothing

NSW Premier Gladys Berejiklian has today proposed a resolution to the current rise of visible homelessness in the most expensive city in Australia, Sydney. Yesterday the unelected Premier of New South Wales clashed with her inferior, Sydney Lord Mayor Clover Moore, who has refused to forcibly move homeless people from a tent settlement that has been set up outside of the...

Bloke With Blocked Sinuses Notifies The Boys That He Won’t Be Chipping In For Anything

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local bloke who currently suffering from thick nasal mucus has made it clear to his mates at the pub that he won't be joining them for any extra-curricular activities tonight. Neil Starkson (29) says he can see the writing on the wall, as each round of beers goes down better than the last. "Nah. Not tonight boys" he says. "It'd...

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