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Dead AF Banking Customers Up In Arms Over Financial Advice Fees

In a scene from a horror movie, hands and arms have been reaching out of the ground today. However, rather than some supernatural graveyard miraculously coming to life, the dead bodies have been breaking out of the surface in anger at what has come to light in the Royal Commission. This comes as The Royal Commission into Misconduct in the Banking,...

Baby Boomer Opposes Legalisation Of Marijuana Mainly Because It Sounds Like Fun

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local Baby Boomer Cheryl Clermont (62) says the idea of legalising cannabis sounds a bit too much like a fun time for the kids, and therefore she is naturally opposed to it. "We just don't know the effects that this drug I haven't used since the seventies could have on young people" she said. "It's like gay marriage. We can't...

Shorten Unwinds Like Any Other Aussie Bloke Over A 425ml Glass Of Brewed Cereal Grains

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Leader of the Opposition, Bill Shorten, has today proven that despite a 30-year-career of political bureaucracy and media training, he is in fact just like the rest of us. After wrapping up a press conference / heavily documented conversation with local workers, the Labor Party leader decided to do what it is that all working class humans that...

Nation Still Shocked A Devout Christian Footballer From Logan Isn’t As PC As Tom Tilley

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A highly religious professional tri-code footballer who publicly stated his opposition to gay marriage before, during and after the postal vote plebiscite has shocked people this week with further comments that indicated his religious-charged views towards homosexuality. This comes as Wallabies star Israel Folau has said he is prepared to walk away from rugby if his situation becomes untenable...

NT Hoping Southern Lefties Too Caught Up On Splendour To Notice Them Fracking Again

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Fracking is set to resume in the Northern Territory, following the Government's decision to lift a moratorium but enforce strict new laws and regulations on the industry while all of these soap dodging lefties down South try to decide if they are happy enough with the 2018 Splendour line up. Chief Minister Michael Gunner said all 135 recommendations...

Deadshit Little Cousin Given Bottom-Rung Job Of Showing Wedding Guests Where To Park

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local shithead, Riley Paterson (15) has been given the most out-of-the-way job possible at his cousin Meg's wedding this afternoon. After making quite a scene about refusing to wear dress trousers, and somehow knocking over a table of rented glassware - Riley has been sent down to the oval next to the church, where he will be directing guests...

The American Judge From The Voice Appears On Stage With Beyonce Knowles At Coachella

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The American pop singer known as 'Beyoncè' has made history as the first black woman to headline Coachella in a performance that included a surprise appearance from her husband, sister and other close friends. Namely, one of the judges from The Voice Australia, who has been apparently been friends with Beyoncè Knowles for many years. The judge, who's real name...

Filipino Neighbours Still Haven’t Cracked Open The Couches

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local Filipino-Australian family in Betoota's Hot Bread District have yet to find a celebration big enough to sit down on the 'good' couches. Even after several engagements, a marriage and several grandkids in their family, Rosamie and Arvin Torres (59, 58) still haven't invited anyone into the plastic-coated living room in their cosy down-town four-bedder. While the plastic furniture...

Overseas Audiences Sickened As Closing Ceremony Pays Homage To The Australian Bush Doof

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Comm Games closing ceremony pays homage to the great Australian Bush Doof The 2018 Commonwealth Games went out in spectacular fashion this evening, with the official closing ceremony paying homage to the rich Australian bush doof culture. In an awe-inspiring aural and visual display, athletes from around the world were invited into the heart of Carrara Stadium to dance...

Report: Work Dishwasher Functions Much Better If Plates Are Filthy And Stocked Horribly

A recent survey carried out by Australia’s leading workplace hygiene body, Clean By Force (CBF) revealed that 95% of workplace dishwashers actually conduct a more thorough clean of its contents if the water flow and distribution are disrupted. Gerard Finish, hygiene expert at CBF, excitedly announced the findings of his 5 year-long study and revealed some rather contentious outliers. “Well, yes...

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