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Gen-Y Blows Weekly Budget Taking Mum To Extravagant Lunch To Prove He’s Got His Shit Together

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT "Ohhh that's nice, what do you call this?" asks the visiting suburban matriarch. Jason wipes his mouth with a napkin and casually explains to his mother that they are drinking a skin contact summer wine. "It's called rosè" says Jason. Like hundreds, possibly thousands of millenialls that have relocated to Betoota's inner-city French Quarter for university and metropolitan employment, Jason...

Tony Abbott And Craig Kelly Take Break From Saving Family Values To Check Out ‘A Star Is Born’

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Self-confessed Lady Gaga 'stans' and conservative Liberal MPs, Tony Abbott and Craig Kelly, have today released a joint statement to the media which outlines their shared position on the Oscar-favourite romance-drama 'A Star Is Born'. "It's not bad hey" says Craig Kelly, as he and the former Prime Minister spoke to the media outside of the Manuka Capitol...

Wilkins Calls Security After Kerser Arrives At ARIAs With Entourage Of 60 Campbelltown Lads

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT As Sydney recovers from this morning's torrential downpour, stars are starting to arrive on the red carpet at The Star Casino ahead of tonight’s ceremony. Musicians, partners, and coked up studio #MeToo machines are stepping out in style for the 2018 ARIA Awards. The evening's highly-anticipated hosts have already arrived, celebrity couple Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban. Nicole, Australia's...

Westfield Begin Thawing Out Michael Bublé In Time For December 1st

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT With the annual Christmas shopping hysteria right around the corner, executives from the Australian supermarket giant Westfield have today pressed the button. The ex-NASA scientists hired by CEO Frank Lowy have receive their orders and make their way to the basement of the corporation's head office in Hurstville, NSW. Alarm horns sound as the surrounding staff members are cleared from the...

Melbourne Residents Finally Able To Go To Restaurants As African Gangs Concede Election Defeat

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Melbourne residents are rejoicing tonight, following the news that they can once again enjoy a night out at a restaurant without becoming victims of violent African gang crime. This comes as Premier Daniel Andrews and the Victorian Labor party crushed their political opponents in Saturday’s state election, charging back into power in a landslide victory. By 8.55pm on Saturday,...

Mundine V Horn Expected To Be Biggest Fight Since 2 Wharfies Went At It Last Week In Pinkenba

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT On Friday night, the city of Brisbane will be hosting the biggest licensed boxing match on Australian soil in 2018, with Jeff Horn and Anthony Mundine set to step into the ring at Suncorp Stadium. After months of build-up and contract negotiations and relentless publicity stunts, Horn and Mundine will go toe-to-toe over 12 rounds on November 30, with the...

Report: Invitation To Cook-Out Key Indicator You’ve Been Accepted By Family-Oriented Hijackers

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A recent report by the CSIRO has found that the surest sign an undercover police agent should look for when trying to decipher whether or not he or she has been accepted as one by a family-oriented criminal organisation of car boosters and jewellery thieves is an invitation to a cheery backyard 'cook-out' at the gang leaders house. This...

Local Woman Justifies Wasting Her Day By Calling It ‘Life Admin’

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A young woman has alleviated a chunk of guilt today, but finidng good reason for doing nothing with her day off yesterday. Accruing a fair whack of time in lieu at her work, Jola Cameron took a day off work and planned to potentially get out of the house and do a little day trip somewhere. Despite her best intentions,...

Local Council’s Spending Justified After Backpackers Finally Use Public Gym Equipment

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact The Diamantina Shire Council is relieved today after seeing two people finally use the weird toy-like public gym equipment purchased and placed in Central Park four years ago. The use comes as a huge relief to the councillors, as they reallocated money from the road maintenance fund to pay for the outdoor gym – only after copping heat for...

Liberals Panic As Fatty Vautin Announces Plans To Run Against Peter Dutton As An Independent

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT With the Liberal Party still licking their wounds after losing the seat of Wentworth in the history-making by-election last month, Prime Minister Scott Morrison has today been forced to confront a new thorn in his side. That is, possibility of finally losing the seat of Dickson altogether, after North Brisbane's golden boy Paul Fatty Vautin announced his plans to...

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