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Report: Hail Not Worth Talking About Unless It’s “Golf-Ball-Sized”

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact A recent report by the Australian Bureau Of Meteorology has found that they aren't too fussed by hail unless it breaches the universal benchmark of what constitutes a big hail stone. Which is golf-ball-sized. This reminder comes after the Australian Capital Territory was hit by a massive hailstorm, with huge hail stones raining down on Canberra and it's surrounds. Parts...

Bunnings Report Spike In Ear Muff Sales As Leftie Elites Refuse To Hear A Bad Word About Rush

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact Following the news that yet another Australian actress has been made to feel uncomfortable by the patron saint of chardonnay socialism, it seems that the many inner-city Bunnings franchises right across the country are being stormed by silver-haired theatre enthusiasts, who refuse to believe the many different young people accusing Geoffrey Rush of being a creep could be...

Report: Everyone Has Just Flat Out Stopped Coming To Work

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The Betoota Chamber of Commerce (BCC) has confirmed this afternoon that 2023 is pretty much done and dusted. Speaking to The Advocate today, Brett Kovacs the Head of the BCC told us that apart from the retail sector, they aren't expecting much more to come from the town's economy this year. "It's pretty much a wrap," said Kovacs. "If you go into any of...

Nations Girlfriends Looking Forward To Another Two Months Of White Noise On TV

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact The nation’s girlfriends have confirmed today how excited they are to about their media consumption over the next two months. With their respective TVs being permanently set to the cricket coverage, they explained that they are prepared for two months of white noise from the TV. “I can’t wait, two months of watching a game that I have no interest...

Retail Employee Considering Life Of Poverty After Suffering Through Third Week Of Carols

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A young woman has revealed to The Advocate today that she is seriously contemplating whether it's all worth it. The permanent part-time employee at a store in Betoota Heights made the revelation after suffering through her third week of Christmas carols. Carlie Jade explained that she is very much at the end of her tether. "All I want for Christmas is for these...

Beautifully Sunny Day Nothing Than An Infuriating Strip Of Glare On Gamer’s Monitor

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Climate scientists are not the only group unhappy with the warmer weather as video game enthusiast Joseph Creen (19) expresses his distaste for this beautiful sunny day that is causing an infuriating strip of glare to fall across his gaming monitor. Being told from a young age he could do anything, Creen has since lead a legion of...

Stoned Teenager At Servo Worried Stoned Teenager Behind The Counter Is Judging Him

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A tense standoff took place today at Betoota Ponds Independent Petrol station last night as stoned patron Jacob Lee (16) was very concerned he was being judged by Cameron Hall (17) the stoned attendant. After playing a few solos on the Gatorade saxophone, Wright climbed out of his bedroom window and made his way to his local petrol station...

Striped Shirt Guy Used To Live In London So What Do You Want Him To Explain About UK Politics

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT "So hectic man. Corbin was toxic" he says. "They haven't lost this bad since World War II. The Left really don't know how to communicate with the working class haha" That's not even the worst of it. An office intellectual who's name is either Simon or Evan has today ruined the mid-week Christmas Party by feeling the need to inform his...

NSW Premier Prays Property Market Limps On Long Enough To Justify Selling Housos To Meriton

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact As Sydney begins it's first wave of social cleansing in Waterloo and Redfern, NSW Premier Gladys Berejiklian says she's pretty confident it will all be worth it, but we'll see. This comes after the NSW government announced that thousands of elderly and at risk Australians that depend on public housing will be relocated out-of-sight from prospective property buyers, in...

Embattled Prime Minister Morrison Whips Out His Emergency Studded White SMP Belt

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT As the Coalition's Nightwatchman experiences yet another polling slump at the end of the last parliamentary sitting fortnight, it appears that Morrison's media team are now in damage control. While meeting with several voters on the Cronulla beach waterfront yesterday, the Prime Minister was seen proudly debuting the final boss of everyday Aussies. The studded white leather SMP belt. A prominent...

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