Politics

Julie Bishop asks Kim Jong-un to consider nuking Bali first before Darwin

28 April, 2017. 10:23 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Foreign Minister Julie Bishop has asked the Great Leader of North Korea to consider a nuclear strike against the Indonesia island of Bali before attacking the Australian mainland. Kim Jong-un announced his intention to bomb Darwin earlier this week as thousands of US military personnel flood into the Top End capital. "If he wants...

PC GONE MAD: “If We’re Not Allowed To Kidnap Aboriginal Kids, What Can We Do?”

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT One Nation has lost yet another candidate for the next Queensland election, after former policeman Mark Ellis announced he is no longer standing due to outrage over his role in a child abduction case in the 1990s. Mr Ellis, who was endorsed to contest the Logan seat of Macalister, announced his withdrawal on his Facebook page on Wednesday, after...

Malcolm Roberts lashes out at spherical depiction of Earth; prefers wall maps

24 April, 2017. 15:34 WENDELL HUSSEY | Intern| Contact One Nation Senator and champion of empirical science Malcolm Roberts was livid yesterday as numerous depictions of the Earth as a round circular globe were on display across the planet. Yesterday saw many come to together for Earth Day and the coinciding Marches for Science. However, Roberts has hit out at the organisers of the...

Pauline Says Turnbull Should Cancel More Than Just Four Hundred And Fifty-Seven Visas

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Following the news that the Federal Government has today announced their plans to abolish the 457 visa and replace it with two new visas - One Nation leader Pauline Hanson has come out swinging saying that "cancelling only four hundred and fifty-seven visas is not nearly enough" "And he's technically only cancelling four hundred and fifty-five visas...

Turnbull solves 457 visa problem by turning it off and on again

18 April, 2017. 17:34 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull has announced he is scrapping the heavily-debated 457 visa program for skilled migrants as part of a bid to tackle unemployment - and replacing it with a similar, but entirely different scheme. "I have solved the program," said Turnbull. "It is no longer an issue." In a statement delivered to the...

Privately Educated North Shore Bible Basher Worried Politicians Are Out Of Touch With Aussies

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Former prime minister Tony Abbott has today issued a warning to the government, saying the Australians he has been talking to, who mostly live in the entitlement belt of North Shore Sydney, are “sick of politicians” and encouraged people who hate politicians to take it out on the bloke who took his job, who is no longer...

Fourth Grader Skips Training Using Dead Grandparent Excuse For The Fifth Time

10 April, 2017. 12:23 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Over the course of the past year, Betoota Dolphin's fourth grade flanker Stanley Park has tragically lost five grandparents. Their deaths have prevented him from attending four training sessions and one Saturday game fixture last August against perennial easy beats, the Boulia John Player Specials. "I can't believe it," said the 23-year-old scrummager. "Grandpa...

Excited Palaszczuk Reveals Reef Nearly Dead Enough For Coal Ships To Crush Through

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT An ecstatic Annastacia Palaszczuk has today revealed that continued coral bleaching on the Great Barrier Reef is nearly at the point where coal ships would be able to crush their way through to the Central Queensland coast with enough momentum. Speaking to media this morning, the Queensland Premier said the current bleaching episode is great news for the proposed Adani Megamine...

Governor-General Turns Sickly Grey During Handshake With Offshore Dementor

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Governor-General Peter Cosgrove has experienced the horrid feeling of his soul being consumed upon, after shaking hands with a gliding, wraith-like dark creature employed by the Australian Ministry of Immigration as the guard of Nauru Prison. The Minister, who originates from the Division of Dickson, has been in the role of Dementor for the Ministry of Immigration since 21 December 2014, after He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named...

Mark Latham puts finishing touches on DIY home television studio

4 April, 2017. 11:23 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact After being dumped by Sky Television late last week after a string of controversial comments, former Labor leader Mark Latham has vowed to take his Outsiders programme online - using the power of the internet superhighway to reach his devoted followers. The 56-year-old has reportedly constructed a home television studio in his...

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