Politics

Report: How Does This Bloke Still Think He Can Get Away With Secret Little Holidays?

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In revelations that have left plenty around the nation shaking their heads in disbelief, it's emerged that the Prime Minister has once again tried to sneak in a secret little family holiday without the nation knowing. Somehow learning nothing from his previous covert travel plans, Scotty from Marketing is facing questions this morning about why he thought it...

Scotty Asks National Women’s Summit If He Can Bring In His Translator

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The nation's Head of Marketing is today doing his best to try and avoid another PR nightmare. Speaking at the opening of the National Summit on Women's Safety, the Prime Minister has fumbled his way through an admission that we need to do better as a nation when it comes to the treatment of women. The National Summit...

“Get Out Gerry!” Shouts Centrelink Receptionist As Billionaire Approaches Desk For A New Rort

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The embattled public servant working the front desk at Gold Coast Centrelink has finally cracked the shits with these dole bludgers today. As someone who is tasked with making sure struggling people get the financial aid they need to survive, Barb Blacklock says it's been a frustrating enough year for everyone working at Services Australia. But seeing retail...

Nation’s Sleazy Marketing Guys Distance Themselves From The Prime Minister

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT There's a peculiar vibe at the bar of one of the most popular Woolworths-owned craft brewery in Betoota's corporate Old City District this afternoon. The mood is still as high as it would be on every Friday arvo work drinks, but for the first time since the Marriage Equality plebiscite - it seems our towns most apathetic media...

Report: Nah He Tweakin

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In some breaking news from Canberra this afternoon, the Prime Minister is officially tweakin. This comes after he fronted the media again in an effort to position himself for a run at being the guy who 'opens up Australia' after he shut the thing down in the first place. However, while the Head of Marketing is hopeful of...

Scotty Withdraws WA Cavemen Comments: “I Forgot My Friends At Rio Tinto Blew Up All Their Caves”

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In one of the stranger stories of recent times, the nation's Prime Minister has today withdrawn some comments and apologised for his actions. Speaking to select media from Canberra this morning, Scotty from Marketing has formally retracted his comments about people outside of Sydney being cavemen. The Prime Minister from Sydney made the comments on breakfast TV, where...

Flashback: Remember When Scotty Visited His Ancestral Home While We Were Stuck Here With No Jabs

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT FROM THE ARCHIVES: Today, The Betoota Advocate remembers a more simpler time in the 24-hour news cycle. Back in early-June, 2021 (roughly 12 weeks ago) when Scotty From Marketing fled overseas to socialise with Boris Johnson and Joe Biden at global leaders summit that he wasn't even invited to. While tens Australians of Australians were stuck overseas, where they...

“Albo’s Nowhere To Be Seen” Says Voter Who Only Watches Sky News And Only Reads The Australian

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A middle class Australian voter who only gets her news from within the 70% of the Australian media market owned and run by Rupert Murdoch says that we are never going to see a change in government unless the opposition leader stops hiding away. Vera Motley (57) says she didn't even know who the Labor leader was until...

Sky News Producers Begin Gruelling Task Of Upskilling Hosts From ‘Dictator’ To ‘Taliban Dan’

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT As Victoria records 57 new locally acquired cases, it seems that the chances of an early release from Melbourne's extended two-week lockdown are vanishing right before our eyes. Finally back on deck after fracturing a vertebrae while on a brief holiday between his state's second and third waves, Victorian Premier Dan Andrews is once again copping all the flak...

Uh Oh… Local Personal Trainer Has Been Doing A Bit Of Reading About The Virus Online

CLANCY OVERELL  | Editor | CONTACT With each major city constantly in and out of never-ending lockdowns, the delusional fringes of society are gaining more members every day. The unfortunate reality that Australians find themselves in due to incompetent governance and a colossally bungled jab roll-out has resulted in vast numbers of disenfranchised workers steering away from the advice of medical experts and seeking...

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