Liberals Just Glad They Had The Internet Sorted Before Nation Got Told To Go Home For 2 Weeks
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
While the nation continues to panic amidst the coronavirus crisis, the head of marketing has today taken the opportunity to remind everyone that at least they've got reliable internet to turn to during these trouble times.
With Victoria and the ACT declaring State Of Emergency's, travel restrictions put in place, bans on public gatherings and strong advice about...
Dutton Begs The Australian Government To Respect His Basic Human Rights And Dignity
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
In some heartbreaking news from the small island of Christmas, Peter Dutton has today called on the government's conscience.
Speaking from the grounds of the Christmas Island Detention Centre, the Home Affairs Minister is begging to be treated with kindness and humanity.
This comes after the aspiring Prime Minister was locked up in the centre he used to...
Nation Quietly Waiting For Reality Television To Be Also Cancelled Due To The Corona
TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact
Sporting events, concerts and school; all being cancelled due to the global outbreak of COVID-19, a coronavirus that has the world in the grips of a pandemic.
These cancellations have caused a lot of mixed reactions, angry fans who wanted to go and cheer on their beloved teams, and those supporting the cancellations saying that the whole country...
Scotty From Marketing Says Only Thing He’s Ever Cared About No Longer A Priority
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
In some breaking news out of Canberra, the nation's Head of Marketing has confirmed that he's changed his tune on the policy that seemingly meant everything to him.
Not the Cronulla Sharks which he started going for when he moved to the Shire a few years ago after leaving Tourism Australia for reasons we aren't allowed to talk...
Crumb On Coworkers Face For Long Enough You Can’t Really Mention It Now
LOUIS BURKE | Investigation | CONTACT
Workplace timing is often described as a fickle art.
A saying that is certainly ringing true for graphic designer Annie Rice (26) as she stares at the crumb on the chin of her coworker Shannon Matheson (28).
As the adjacent duo proudly tucked into an al-desko lunch, Rice noticed a crumb below the bottom left corner of Matheson’s chin while...
Scotty From Marketing Says Non-Existent $2B Bushfire Relief Fund Was Just Him Spitballing
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
"You know that John Mayer song, Spitballing?"
"I'm spit balllllllling,"
"It's not really my thing, I'm more a Hinder guy but Jenny loves that one."
That's how Scott Morrison began this afternoon's press conference about the fact his two billion dollar Fire Relief Fund promise is complete horseshit.
"Anyway, look forget it, that was just me trying to seem relatable...
PM Distances Self From The 136 Emails Sent From His Office: “I’m No Good With Computers Haha”
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
The Prime Minister has relieved himself of all guilt in regards to the Sports Rorts saga today.
The nation's Head of Marketing did so by deflecting any questions about the 136 emails his office exchanged with the minister responsible for the giant rort, with "I'm no good with computers haha."
Followed by a jovial dad laugh, Scott Morrison physically...
Dutton Asks For Midnight Oil To Be Classified As A Terrorist Organisation
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
Following up on his comments about left-wing extremism yesterday, Peter Dutton has today asked for iconic Australian band Midnight Oil to be classified as a terrorist organisation.
This comes after the Home Affairs Minister responded to ASIO's statement about the threat of right-wing extremism, by claiming that we need to deal with 'left-wing lunatics' first.
He confirmed today...
Local Drunks Nearly Come To Blows Over Last Smoke In Pack Of Winnie Reds They Went Halves In
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
Two drunken fools from North-West NSW have today nearly ended up in fisticuffs after a belligerent rant possibly related to cigarettes.
Former National leader Barnaby Joyce and Labor's Joel Fitzgibbon have clashed in front of media in a Parliament House corridor during an unexpected sparring session about the last Winnie Red in a packet they halved earlier today when...
Government Urged To Go After Multinational Tax Evaders As Hard As They Go After Welfare Recipients
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
After yet another Centrelink debt recovery court hearing took place this morning, the nation has today asked if maybe the blokes in charge of the nation's finances could go a bit harder on the giant tax-dodging companies.
This comes after the government argued in court today that they did not owe welfare recipients a duty of care in...
