Bloke Who Spent Years Pitching De-Centralised Nature Of Crypto Says CommBank Listing Is Great!!!
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
A local office worker has made an interesting u-turn this week, after a big piece of news from the cryptocurrency world.
Despite spending years saying that crypto is the future of finance because of it's de-centralised nature, Brad Parker has now revealed that he thinks the Commonwealth Bank (CBA) getting on board is great news.
The Betoota Grove...
Girls Share House Fridge Found To Contain Every Type Of Milk Except Full Strength Cow Juice
EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT
As she opens the fridge, local woman Izzie Newitt ponders which disgusting milk alternative to put in her morning coffee – oat, soy, cashew, rice, or coconut.
It’s alleged all three of the female housemates at the Daroo household were found to have some kind of stomach issue or intolerance, ranging from lactose and gluten to FODMAP.
These gastronomical...
“The Man That Fled To Hawaii During The Bushfires Also Leaks Text Messages” Says World Leaders
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
The Australian Prime Minister's humiliation on the world stage is far from complete, as the Glasgow climate change summit becomes less about world leaders trying to save the world, and more about how Scott Morrison cannot be trusted as a diplomat.
In fact, Scotty From Marketing has dropped the ball so badly that no amount of horse races and...
Anti-Melbourne Cup Activist Keeps The Protest Alive And Heads Out To Mid-Week Races At Kyneton
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
A Fitzroy-based Social Media Activist has taken things to the next level today, by actually doing something about an issue other than just posting online.
The #NupToTheCup warrior who posts about horse racing on the first Tuesday in November every year, has decided to leave his inner-city enclave and physically act on an issue that he claims to...
Tim Smith’s Dad Organises Hot Shot Barrister To Get Him Off With A Scotch College Section 8
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
Liberal MP Tim Smith has received some welcome good news today, with revelations that a mate of his dad is going to sort him out.
The Member for the toff suburb of Kew has managed to snag a high flying barrister to help make all this drink driving stuff go away.
"He's gonna get me the Scotch College...
Professional Punter Knows A Bloke Who Reckons Shortest Favourite Since Phar Lap Is Good For It
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact
A local genius has today revealed his brilliance to his construction site.
Ashton Ackers, a foreman by day and David Walsh by night, has informed the blokes and ladies on sight that he reckons that Incentivise should get it done this afternoon.
The comments from the learned local man come as his site prepares to clock off for...
Collingwood Football Club Beg Eddie McGuire To Lace Up The Boots For One Last Cover Up
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact
After a quiet few months, the AFL's most famous club is in the headlines again.
The Collingwood Football Club has been forced to send out an SOS this morning after serious allegations emerged about one of their star players.
Eddie McGuire has reportedly been begged to return to the club for a few weeks, after midfielder Jordan De...
“Haha That New Streaming Service Looks So Good” Hints Housemate With No Accounts In His Name
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact
A savvy local student has today begun a covert campaign to get his housemate to do him a solid.
Eyeing off a new subscription service he hasn’t got a password to yet, Arlo Jacks said he started planting the seed in his housemate’s mind yesterday afternoon.
“It’s defs (sic) his turn,” laughed Arlo today after the...
Mate Who Hit It A Little Too Hard At Pre-Drinks Lovingly Tucked Into Bean Bag
EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT
A local bloke has hit it a little too hard on the pre-drinks tonight, taking himself out before it even hit 8 pm.
As someone who considered himself quite piss fit, James Henderson had overestimated his ability to hold his liquor, which may have been amplified by his insistence on doing shots – even reportedly knocking back three...
“I Came As Myself” Says World’s Most Boring Man Dressed Normally At Halloween Party
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
Guests at a Betoota Ponds Halloween party were astutely underwhelmed today as the town’s most boring man came dressed as himself.
At 35 years old, accountant Tim Smith still has the go in him to organise a costume ahead of Halloween but chose not to as he thought it would be ‘funny’ if he dressed as himself, despite the...
