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LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT The familiar grease stain of a night well spent has been identified by Betoota resident Jeremy Kemp (35), who shared with us his tale of excess that led to the sort of behaviour only inebriation can excuse.  After an evening of mateship and ice cold glass sandwiches, Kemp and his mates were asked to vacate the Betoota Railway Hotel...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The once-struggling Channel Country General Hospital in Bedourie is reportedly sorting through a backlog of thousands of rural placement requests. This follows the area's well-noted transformation from a sleepy fruit growing district into one of Western Queensland's most praised wine regions. As seen in Central West New South Wales, Southern Western Australia and most of the districts surrounding Adelaide -...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The captain of the Australian cricket team has dropped a sensational announcement this afternoon, revealing that he will be standing down after sexting allegations were revealed in the media. Tim Paine made the decision after details around an exchange with a former female employee at Cricket Tasmania came to light. Paine said the text exchange had been previously investigated...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT After a quiet week or so since crashing his car while pissed, Tim Smith MP has made a sensational return to the spotlight. The loudmouth from Melbourne's inner electorate of Kew has turned up on the steps of parliament house kitted out in a rather interesting get-up. The epitome of entitlement raised eyebrows by greeting protestors today with...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A resident of the leafy inner Melbourne suburb of Toorak has today proposed a bold new idea. The old toff who has spent a career in finance after graduating from a sandstone high school and university has revealed that we should stop giving anti-vaxxers medical care. Brett White (74) explained that he doesn't think people who make 'poor...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In some good news for cashed-up investors who enjoy turning the universal human right of housing into a money-making pyramid scheme, a quaint little coastal dream has just been listed on the market! Just 1 kilometre (1.9k's to be exact) from the nearest beach in the rapidly gentrifying coastal town, the 3 bedroom Hampton's inspired bungalow comes in...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT When local woman Elise Holland decided to get lash extensions for the first time, she was instantly converted. As someone who wasn’t blessed in the lash department, it was nice to wake up to perfect lashes every day, even if it meant she had to forcibly stop herself from touching them all the time. And though the upkeep was both...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A Betoota Heights empty nester has won the praise of her kids again this week, after standing up for the poor British Royal Family. Making a quick call to say hello to one of her daughters living down in Brisbane, Carol Devine quickly found a way to bring up a topic that's been weighing heavily on her mind...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT When Jim Thornton was growing up, he knew he wanted to inflict the most pain possible on the world. But considering he didn’t have the grades to be a lawyer or the gift of the gab needed to become a real estate agent, he’s had to settle for the next best thing - a recruitment HR officer. And no, not...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT After years of fun and games, the people behind the popular video game Halo have been told to get down to business. Fans of the science fiction media franchise have today told the developers to stop fucking around, and just drop the Blood Gulch map in. This comes after an open beta of the multiplayer aspect for the...