Well-Raised Local Woman Feels Stab Of Guilt For Not Saying Please To Voice-Activated Assistant
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | CONTACT
A local woman has today grappled with an irrational sense of guilt, when they dared to ask a voice assistant to turn the volume up without so much as a please or thank you.
It’s alleged Kirstie Beckett was sitting in her lounge room when the incident occurred, listening to a 70s mix while she typed away on her...
Prime Minister Rules Out Fresh Lockdowns As If The Premiers Listen To What He Says Anyway
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
As the nation and the world deals with the fallout from the spread of this shiny new spicy cough variant, our Prime Minister has fronted the media to try and score some easy points today.
Facing the cameras of a fatigued and weary nation, Scotty from Marketing has revealed that 'we won't be returning to lockdowns' as a...
“This’ll Be Good For Our Wind Farmers!” Says City Bloke As He Shuts The Window
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
A brand new form of small talk with B2B partners has emerged today, born out of the most universally acknowledged pain in the ass type of weather; wind.
Noticing the extreme wind whipping at his highrise windows, accountant Alan Yang (35) shut his window before exclaiming his joy for those rural Australians doing the hard yakka so urban types...
Rural Mum Furious That Plate Of Unseasoned Boiled Vegetables Isn’t Being Treated Like The Delicacy It Is
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | CONTACT
A rural mum has today gotten the shock of her life, when it was revealed that her three children had no interest in eating unseasoned vegetables.
It’s alleged Tracey Whitmore had worked on dinner all afternoon, which really meant she brought a pre-seasoned chook from Woolies and drizzled some oil over it.
Like her parents and their parents before...
‘I Just Don’t Want To Do 100 Hours’ Says Woman Trying To Justify Not Having Her Licence At 25
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | CONTACT
A local woman has today tried to justify why she doesn’t have a license, despite being a grown adult.
Maddy Hansen is alleged to have copped some flack from some mates yet again, for relying on Ubers and public transport to get around.
Despite having both the time and money to learn how to drive, Maddy somehow manages to...
NRL Journos Say Cheese Is Disrespectful For Discussing New Contracts Before They Got The Scoop
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
The loudmouth gossip columnists who call themselves NRL journalists have today slammed Melbourne Storm star Brandon Smith for being 'disrespectful and 'out of order.'
The scathing language comes after the man known as The Cheese decided to give an interview about his contract negotiations to someone who doesn't work for NewsCorp or Channel 9 - something which is...
Post-Lockdown Introvert Opts To Trim Hair At Home Instead Of Risking Chatty Hairdresser
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | CONTACT
When it comes to being an introvert, there are three crucial things that inspires fear into every soft spoken individual - answering phone calls, having to introduce yourself to the class, and going to the hairdresser.
For local woman Shae Gibbs, seeing the hairdresser once every six weeks just isn’t feasible, as she just can’t bear to be locked...
Basic Card Game Instructions Cause Local Woman To Question Her Intelligence
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | CONTACT
A local psychologist has today questioned her intelligence after a card game had her staring around the room in confusion, it's reported.
Anna Leeds is alleged to have been invited to a friend's 'Monday madness', which saw her group of friends regularly playing games, including Chameleon, Mysterium, Monopoly Deal and the breaker of all friendships, 'Code names.'
Anna has...
Deep Fryer At Public Pool Still The Hardest Working Public Servant On The Local Council
KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT
A damning report into employee performance has unveiled a commercial deep fryer at a town pool is the only person that actually does their job.
The report comes following an extensive publicly funded inquiry into Betoota’s local council, which assessed the proficiency and suitability of all employees on the books.
Despite featuring on the same payroll as numerous...
Changing Channel Prompts Dad To Wake From Deep REM Sleep To Point Out He Was Actually Watching That
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | CONTACT
A Betoota Grove teen has today had the fright of his life, when he tried to change the TV channel.
It’s alleged Peter Grisham had wandered into the lounge room after growing bored of his computer, hoping to pass the next few hours by finding something to watch.
Spying his snoozing father passed out on the couch, Peter was...
