Breaking News

Drug Dealer Faces Accusations Of Being A Cop After Responding To Text Message Within An Hour

EFFIE BATEMAN | Culture | CONTACT A drug dealer is facing quite a few accusations today, after behaving in a very un-drug dealer like way. Mitchell Ellis had reportedly set up a Wickr account in the hopes of offloading some weed and pingers and was initially met with quite a few responses in his area. Considering he only worked part-time as a bartender...

Local Girl Begins Post-Breakup Instagram Emergence By Posting Charming Pottery Class Creation

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT A local girl has reintroduced herself to the world of Instagram this afternoon, posting some impressive kiln-baked curations thanks to her new pottery hobby. After six months of minimal social media activity, The Advocate understands 25-year-old PR professional Haylee Saunders has posted a carousel of sepia-toned images, showing off a beautiful collection of handcrafted Japanese pottery. The salacious...

Hipster Gentrifier Slowly Absorbs The Greek Culture Of Locals He’s Pricing Out

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Life has found a way in the Betoota Flight Path District as local hipster Nathan Bolt has slowly begun to absorb the Greek culture of the locals he has played a part in pricing out of his neighbourhood. Opening a bar in what was once the family owned Kamateros Hardware Store, Bolt has been a big figure in his...

AEC Warn PM That An Election During Magic Round Would Be Considered Queensland Voter Suppression

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT With one of the proposed dates of the election (that we might just have to call ourselves) being on the weekend of the NRL Magic Round, the AEC has warned the PM that doing so may be considered Queensland voter suppression.  A new tradition in Australian sporting history, the not at all generously named NRL Magic Round takes place...

Local Pub Ups The Price Of House Schooners To $7.80 As A Result Of War In Ukraine

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The Betoota Heights Tavern has today responded to the negative publicity surrounding a significant change at the venue. The owner of the venue has revealed that the floor price of house schooners has been raised due to circumstances out of his control. "Haven't been reading the news have we? There's a war going on," said the proud owner of...

Feminist Ally Scotty Pauses Mid Meeting To Tell Colleague He Absolutely LOVES Her Outfit Today

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The Prime Minister has sensationally become a feminist ally today, after revealing that he intervened in his party's NSW pre-selection to protect "great women" within his ranks. That revelation was made on the ABC's 7:30 program, where Morrison said he controversially stepped in because he is "very serious about having great women" in his ranks. "I stood up for the...

Report: Drummer Still Going Full Whiplash For Taylor Hawkins

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact Residents of Betoota Heights have had to grin and bear the noise levels this week as neighbourhood drummer Henry Paulo (30) has been going absolutely full Whiplash in honour of late Foo Fighters drummer Taylor Hawkins. Drummer of the Foo Fighters since 1997, Hawkins was known for high energy beats on tracks like Rope, Stacked Actors and Everlong,...

Scotty Tells Complaining Colleagues To Just Get A Better Leader

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact As an increasing number of the Prime Minister's peers continue to provide reverse testimonials of our nation’s leader, Scotty has finally weighed in and told them to easily fix it by just getting a better leader. Earlier this week outgoing Liberal senator Concetta Fierravanti-Wells and independent senator Jacqui Lambie verbally Will Smithed Scotty for his failures as a...

“Brekky Of Champions” Says Smartarse Deliveryrider Handing Over Organic Muesli And Whiteclaw

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact A local woman has today requested that her delivery rider reserve his judgement after making a rather interesting grocery request. It’s alleged that Alex Reilly was feeling a little dusty this morning, and didn’t feel like making the long trek to her local grocery store and bottle-o for essentials.  Despite the two stores being realistically within walking distance, the fact...

Local Man Permits Self Early Easter Indulgence Demolishing Novelty Sized Crème Egg In Supermarket Carpark

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT A guilty lapsed Catholic has decided to break lent this afternoon, polishing off an entire football-sized creme egg in a supermarket car park. Sitting in the driver's seat of his silver Kia Sorrento, The Advocate understands 36-year-old Darrell Lea has treated himself to a headstart on Easter after a very stressful grocery shop. Shocked to learn the recent...

Social

781,079FansLike
603,780FollowersFollow
119,365FollowersFollow

Breaking News