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ALP Gets A Bit Cocky After By-Elections And Announce Plans To Begin Executing Bank Executives

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact ALP Leader Bill Shorten recorded a resounding victory over Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull's government, winning four of five Federal by-elections around the country, to return the seats that he had already won last election but actually lost because his own colleagues couldn't remember where the fuck their parents were born. Hundreds of thousands of Australians went to the polls...

Social Media Post Funny Enough To Warrant Dropping A ‘B’ In Front Of The ‘ahaha’

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact A local tradesman has today given a humorous social media post a big old tick of approval. Browsing through his phone on lunch, Curtis Shayler stumbled upon a hilarious photo of a DIY fail on Facebook. So funny was the post, that it called for the dropping on a ‘b’ on the ‘ahaha’ comment that went along...

Usain Bolt Spotted At Kincumber Maccas With His New 93 Toyota Hilux Flat Tray

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact Tuesday's announcement that Usain Bolt will be joining the A-League has been met with excitement from north of Sydney to south of Lake Macquarie - as the world's fastest man confirms he has signed with the Central Coast Mariners. Bolt had long expressed a desire to play professional football, but has not been able to make that dream come true, after trialling with German...

Report: USB Actually Wasn’t The Wrong Way Around The First Time

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact A local USB thumb-drive has been accused of lying to it's owner this afternoon, after being successfully inserted after three rotations. The USB's owner, Sally (22, marketing, West Betoota), says she isn't even surprised anymore - and says she doubts that there has ever been anyone that has successfully inserted their thumb drive into their laptop the first time...

Tradie Praised For Posting Video That Isn’t About Cyclists And Parking Rangers Being Fuckwits

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact A diesel mechanic from Traralgon, 164km east of Melbourne, has been praised after gracing Facebook with a non-parking-ranger-related face-to-camer Facebook video. The father-of-two, Jakson Elfrign published an emotional and heartfelt video on Facebook last week and has since gone viral He implored men around the country to have more respect for women and for themselves, to stand up to other...

Nation That Declared Itself FIFA Champion After 2 Wins Humbled By Speck Of Eastern Europe

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact A country of 53 million people that apparently invented football and hosts some of the most storied EPL clubs in the world has been knocked out of the FIFA world cup by a developing Eastern European country with a population the size of Brisbane. The Republic Of Croatia, formerly known as the Socialist Federal Republic of Yugoslavia, has knocked...

Patriot Who’s Never Travelled Past Phuket Says We Need To Look At What’s Happened In Europe

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A local anti-immigration advocate has today explained to The Advocate just why you, or anyone you know, just needs to look at what’s happening in Europe. Keith Davis, a former plumber now living on compo in Betoota’s Golf Course Estate told us that it’s only a matter of time before what’s happened in Europe happens here. The 34-year-old father of...

Australian Journalism’s Next John Pilger Loses Her Spark After 180 Cheese Pull Articles

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Britney Kovacs is often prone to asking herself existential questions. Not in the wanky Nitschke or Kierkegaard sense, but in the ‘what the fuck am I doing with my life’ sense. The question usually arises on Sunday mornings just before midday, or when she is caught up at some work drinks on a Thursday. However, today she was left wondering why...

American Sports Fan Feels Compelled To Celebrate The Fourth Of July For Some Reason

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Despite heavy frost being forecast for central parts of the Simpson Desert this evening, a French Quarter American sports fan is hosting a 'Fourth Of July' themed barbeque tonight in celebration of all things American. Pushing on despite the cold, Ross Tuross explained to The Advocate that he planned tonight's evening, to get all his...

Report: Get Used To These Low Cost Social Events, Because Amy’s Saving For Europe

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A recent report by a group of local girlfriends has found that one of their friend's half-hearted plans to holiday overseas in the near future means that everyone now has to adhere to her budget. The fact that Amy refuses to miss out of social outings has also had further complications to the predicament, as it now means...

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