Breaking News

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A local group of mates are up in arms today after the news broke about the new national security laws being passed by parliament. The new laws mean that national security agencies will be able to intercept messages on encrypted apps and platforms in an effort to crack down on terrorism and serious criminal activity. While the move has been...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Scott Morrison has refused to release any official notes from his conversation with the New South Wales police commissioner Mick Fuller, and insists there was nothing inappropriate about attempting to influence the NSW police chief's investigation into the conduct of one of his ministers, Angus Taylor. With the police investigation into Taylor’s decision to allegedly doctor official documents...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A landmark study has been released today finding a direct link between two of society's most painfully obnoxious acts. The report released by the Betoota Anthropological Society (BAS) concluded that there is a definitive correlation between doing 'Shoeys' and yelling 'Niceeeee Garrrrrrrry' or 'Bowling Garrrrrrrry,' for no reason at all. The above phrase was made popular by former Australia Wicket...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Coalition nightwatchman and current Prime Minister, Scott Morrison, has today been unable to get his party to agree that gay kids shouldn't be expelled from Catholic schools for being gay. This backwards slide in policy indicates that the Coalition government is almost as obsessed with gay kids in religious schools as the rock spider priests and teachers that...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Despite a schedule full of watching Fox News and tweeting (almost definitely from the toilet) US President Donald Trump managed to find time to meet with Australia’s Prime Minister who according to him is a guy called Malcolm. In his search to meet someone who represents the average Australian, Prime Minister Scott Morrison organised to meet with the...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A desperate Prime Minister Morrison has today made an effort to mend his relationship with the remaining female MPs within his government, after hundreds of thousands of women march around the country today. After spending a month defending the honour of the alleged rapists in his party, today's March4Justice has reminded Morrison that he could easily lose a...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT When it comes to fashion, the guests at the 2019 ARIA Awards have certainly brought it. So far we've seen frilly pink ensembles and champagne layered dresses, some dudes in suits, low neckline cocktail dresses, push up bras with bridal tails, couple more dudes in suits and of course linen jumpsuits! However, while the women may be on top...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT For the first time in Australian stage and theatre history, The Sydney Opera House has been forced to hire an RSA Marshal for this weekend only. This comes as an array of unrefined and uncouth Sydney residents, as well as regional visitors, make their way to the iconic Australian landmark to see The Betoota Advocate Roadshow, in it's...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A formerly awkward teenager has returned back to town after schoolies week with a bit of swag, and a new pair of sunnies, it has been confirmed. After pulling back into the drive-way of the family home in his dark green 1994 VW Golf, the whole neighbourhood stops for a moment to take in the new man. The 17-year-old...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A bunch of awkward blokes that are turning into a bunch of drunk awkward blokes at the TAB the Lord Kidman Hotel in Betoota's Old City District, don't look like they are having much fun. In fact, according to witnesses this apparent bucks party looks like it's pretty shit This could be because they could be a fatal concoction...