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Maths Teacher Upgrades From Toyota Vienta To Rav4 After Nabbing Acting Vice Principal Role

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A committed local educator and pioneer of modern 'hard but fair' disciplinary methods, Mr John Brown (55) is this week hitting his straps, career-wise. After 20 years Betoota Heights Secondary College, Mr Brown has held a range of different roles. From Deputy Head of Soccer, to the after-school Chess Club coach, he's never bitten off more than he can...

Local Man Reckons The Only Way He’s Going To Get His Rig In Order Now Is If He Goes To Jail

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact Looking down at his sloppy rig, Jerome Smeeth wonders how the hell he let his rig get so out of hand – especially in the lead up to summer. Despite multiple attempts at dieting and countless personal trainers, Phil just wasn’t getting any thinner. It was a smoggy Thursday morning when the sausage roll...

Nation Quietly Wondering When Leader Of The Country Might Say Or Do Something About These Fires

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The nation of Australia is today quietly wondering when it's leader might do or say something about these fires currently ripping through NSW and Queensland. That realisation comes after Prime Minister Scott Morrison has seemingly been busy with other things since he did a tour of Taree on NSW's Mid North Coast on Sunday. This comes as the...

“We Need To Back Burn” Says MP Well-Known For His Ancient Aboriginal Land Management Models

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A man who is well-known for listening to the concerns and advice of blackfellas has today criticised the Greens for not listening to the concerns and advice of blackfellas. Barnaby Joyce says the policies of the Greens have increased the bushfire threat, as he claims a lack of hazard reduction burning has helped fuel fires in regional NSW and...

“Now Is Not The Time To Discuss How We Ignored Decades Of Warnings That This Would Happen”

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Political leaders have come out swinging today to criticise anyone linking the current deadly bushfires to what caused them. While the media opportunities of being embraced by crying rural Australians who have just lost everything to the fires ravaging Queensland and New South Wales is just too good to pass up on, one thing our politicians are not going...

ScoMo To Visit Port Macquarie As Soon As He Hears Full Time Whistle At State Futsal Final

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Prime Minister Scott Morrison has moved to assure the people of NSW that he'll be up real shortly. This comes after 70 different blazes ravage NSW and 30 fires rip through Queensland, as most of the Eastern Seaboard is pretty much on fire. NSW firefighters are in “uncharted territory” as more than 9 emergency level fires rage across...

Plan To Make Maths Compulsory In Years 11 And 12 Is Bullshit Say 107% Of Students

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT A government plan to make Mathematics compulsory for Year 11 and 12 students has been slammed by a startling 107% of the student body in a self-reported study. According to the report only minus 7 percent of students disagreed that maths should not be compulsory as part of years 11 and 12. David Haggle, Maths Head Teacher at...

Review Of ALP Election Result Finds Labor Lost Because Not Enough People Voted For Them

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Labor's federal election review has identified one major cause for the party's shock loss in May this year. The findings have shocked the ALP to it's very core. Former South Australian premier Jay Weatherill and former trade minister Craig Emerson have spent months investigating the defeat, and in a final report made public today they make 26 recommendations for...

Report: Mum’s Already Bought Christmas Crackers?

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT The family of local mother Carol Thompson (57) state they are beginning to worry about the mental wellbeing of their family matriarch. Believed by her four children to be a sensible person with sound planning and organisation skills, the mum of four has thrown her reputation into disrepute after purchasing Christmas crackers over two months before their intended...

“Who Do I Give My Slip To?” ScoMo Quietly Asks His Cultural Advisors During Cup Day TAB Visit

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Prime Minister Scott Morrison has been caught in a bit of strife this afternoon during a Cup Day media appearance. A popular Cronulla Hotel erupted in cheers earlier today, as the Bloke-In-Chief arrived to with 16 photographers from Sky News and NewsCorp to document him walking into a pub like a normal person. However, it appears ScoMo found himself a...

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