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WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT As the decider draws perilously close, Queensland fans across the state and the country are beginning to get pretty wound up, it can be confirmed this evening. With kick off just around the corner, a few local Queenslanders here in Betoota Heights are at fever pitch. Taking a break from watching Paul Gallen talk about how this Queensland Origin team, which won...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT In what will be a big win for the Queensland economy and lovers of the morally grey touching of strangers, QLD Premier Annastacia Palaszczuk has given the nod for naked foam parties to take place in Fortitude Valley following a Maroon Victory in State of Origin game 3.  The origin decider will be played at Suncorp Stadium to the...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local Betoota Ponds electrician, Keiran Nutley (27) has today once again dismissed the actions of the Australian Federal Police as nothing but a right-wing smear campaign. While he may have a point when it looking at the last couple of high-profile investigations by the AFP, it would seem that he doesn't seem to give a fuck about the ABC...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT A woman’s simple quest for an oat cookie recipe has unfortunately resulted in an impromptu reading marathon, as every food blogger seems to think they’re the next Elizabeth Gilbert. It’s alleged Lisa Erikson had googled ‘how to make oatmeal cookies’, when she’d stumbled onto a promising top search result that looked as though it offered a simple enough...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Older Australian TV viewers have called for David 'Kochie' Koch to be axed from Sunrise, after a segment on today's show in which he brazenly violated several state laws by lighting up an enormous spliff on live television. 'Time for this guy to get the chop, he had his time in the limelight!' one viewer wrote. Another added: 'I stopped...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT When it comes to new outbreaks of the pandemic, the attention is no longer on Melbourne anymore. South Australian Health authorities are working around the clock to contain a new cluster in Adelaide's northern suburbs. SA Health said the latest cluster began when a medi-hotel employee contracted the virus and spread it to their extended family. Australians of all ages and...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT In high school, local bloke Jake Hollingworth had been somewhat of a dweeb as he was neither good at sports nor particularly funny. Though this could have served as a good time to develop a strong character, it’s instead left him with an inferior complex and a desperate need to be popular that’s transcended well into adulthood.  But considering...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT Local man Jake Nottingham has today revealed his real reasons behind not giving homeless people money, though no one’s asked his opinion on the matter, anyway. The Betoota French Quarter real estate agent tells our reporter that he regularly walks past homeless people on his way to work but that he’s ‘never felt the inclination to drop in a...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT Local student Beth Thomas swore to herself that she’d never start an assignment on the day it was due ever again. This promise was as a result of her last assignment mishap, which saw her experiencing an unprecedented amount of anxiety as she tried to smash out 1200 words on the fall of the Roman empire in just four...

FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact In a clear case of desperate times calling for desperate measures, the NSW Government has turned to Siberia in an attempt to find a Premier without any form of conflict of interest.  Siberia, over 11,000km from the nearest NSW property developer, is home to about 33 million people and has a similar population density to Australia. With an...