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LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Old habits are in need of Victorian-style assisted dying laws in Betoota Heights as only child Mark Bright (26) is still not letting any of his friends play as Yoshi. “Bags first controller,” stated the man who would inherit 100% of his parent’s estate. “Get ready to be creamed.” Having kept is childhood Nintendo 64 in good condition (reported to be...

FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact An aviation industry report has confirmed a suspicion held by many air travellers, by confirming that hot air balloons are once again the most impractical form of air transport. The title has proudly been held by the hot air balloon since the Wright brothers’ famous flight in 1903, right up to the arrival of Tiger Airways in...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact Twins in the Old Town are in shock today after hearing their mother offer health advice that didn’t relate to potential dehydration. The Advocate can confirm the twins are in a stable condition and are likely to make a full recovery, if they rest and drink plenty of water. It’s believed Tom and Tilly McKinnon were sitting at their kitchen table when...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT As any brand advertising during the cricket will tell you, the summer is a great time for backyard cricket. Yep, after watching the heroes of the pitch bowl and bat the day away, there is nothing that a good old Aussie family loves more than heading to the BYCG to recreate the sporting glory while taking themselves far too...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT Proving that the holiday cheer doesn’t always instil a sense of generosity, wet blanket Aunt Bonnie reportedly rocked up to a family Christmas lunch with a bowl of cold pasta salad. Nestled next to a plate of dad’s famous slow cooked ribs, the pasta were quickly swept aside in favour of nan’s potato bake. Even Uncle Greg’s...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT As someone who lives almost entirely on microwaved meals, local bloke Anthony Williams is trying to make the most of his Christmas lunch.  The Betoota Heights app developer is said to have made the trip under the guise of catching up with his family when really he was just there for some of nan's prized mac and cheese. An...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT As she angrily listens to LinkedIn Park’s ‘Numb’ on repeat, New South Wales Premier Gladys Berejiklian finds herself internally battling whether or not to go downstairs. You see, after getting caught having an illicit affair with the disgraced former Liberal politician, Daryl Macquire, Gladys has spent most of her time hiding away in her room, listening to early 2000’s...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT Much like every other suburban household, Christmas at the Harrisons is often a time of tears, celebration, drunken antics, and the occasional brawl. If it’s not grandad chatting everyone’s ear off about the latest advancements in anti-ageing, it’s dad getting too drunk of his bottle of Glen Fiddick and telling off coloured jokes nobody finds funny. Or mum grumbling...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT Commuters on the Betoota Hills line were awarded some in house entertainment today courtesy of a random couple. The culprits, a man and woman in their early thirties, headed straight to the quiet carriage for should have been a conversation best had at home. “Oi don’t walk away from me,'' shrieked the woman. "Look at me when I’m...

FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact In a moderately successful bid to impress his date, Betoota local and confirmed big unit Jack “Jacko” Jackson has strategically pretended to consider several exotic ice-cream flavours, before selecting the only one he is actually prepared to consume; Mint Choc Chip. “Hmmm, I’m just not sure” Jacko was overheard saying as he rubbed his chin and squinted through the drool-proof glass. “Chai Cinnamon...