Breaking News

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Australian Open organisers have today moved to appease the world's top tennis players, currently holed up in hotel Quarantine. This comes after another day of the world's higher ranking tennis players (who have either forgotten what's it like, or never had to battle on tour) complaining about having to live like normal people in hotel quarantine ahead of...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Local financial advisor Amara Baros (29) has made a promise to herself during her first week back at work. “This year is going to be different,” stated Baros as she walked through the doors of the office she has slowly learnt to hate for the past six years of her life. According to Baros, last year was difficult for her...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT A local bloke relaying a fun weekend story to his parents has allegedly almost put his foot in it, before remembering his audience just in time, it’s reported. Jason Noll , a notorious party boy and loose cannon, was visiting his parents in Toowoomba for the Christmas holidays and had vowed to himself that he’d be on his best...

FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact Betoota County Council is reportedly furious after an investigation revealed a massive increase in illegally constructed dwellings over the holiday period.   The houses, most of which appear to be small in scale and edible, appear to have been constructed between mid to late December, although most have since been demolished.  Councillor Ed Benton says he is not amused by...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT As she stares at the sleeping body lying next to her, local woman Jayde Thompson briefly entertains the idea that she may have found the one. You see, after a string of nice dates filled with witty banter and courteous behaviour, Jayne has found herself feeling something she’s never felt before - apprehensive hope. The twenty-four-year-old chronically single woman is...

FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact A new report commissioned by the Department of Health has found that a growing number of Australians don’t trust the quickly developed vaccine that they wanted to be developed so quickly. “I won’t let them poke that needle anywhere near me,” said aspiring Instagram celebrity Ingrid Selene. “I heard it takes a really long time to develop...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT In a bid to use fewer chemicals and be more eco-friendly, Chelsea Cunningham says she’s made the switch from her trusty antiperspirant to a natural deodorant. The tea tree roll-on stick, which she hastily bought at Priceline for a ridiculous price, has reportedly done little to mask her scent but has at least given her BO a...

CLANCY OVERELL  | Editor | CONTACT As the last remaining major party that can still oust their leader at any given moment, it seems the National Party are gearing up for another spill. First cab off the rank is former leader and cold-blooded political phoenix, Barnaby Joyce MP, who appears to be making moves to take back his job from the awkward Christian who...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Get up off the couch and get a job you lazy bludger! That's the message to 'lounge lizards' in the city from the highly paid welfare recipient who is standing in as the Prime Minister of this country this week. Leaning into the 'if you have a go you'll get a go' rhetoric that is peddled by Scotty...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Claims that the Oxford/AstraZeneca vaccine is only around 63% effective are unfounded and don't worry, she'll be right, according to the government. Speaking this morning in Canberra, Health Minister Greg Hunt and the nation's cheif medical officer Professor Paul Kelly said there's nothing to be concerned about. "She'll be right," said Mr Hunt. "The Thereputic Goods Administration...