Breaking News

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A worn out local man has succumbed to his tired brain today. Speaking to us out the front of the Betoota Ponds servo on a mild summer’s evening, Rick Harvey nods to the two softie’s in his hands. “Had to fill up, and it’s been a big day at work,” he sighed. “I’m as depleted as a three year old iPhone after a...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Local PE teacher Brian Campbell suffered the public indignity of teaching a sit-down theory class and having to act as if they are the same as other teachers. As the class sat down politely and waited for the 50 minute ordeal to be over, they were somewhat interested when Mr Campbell informed his students they would be discussing drugs...

CLANCY OVERELL  | Editor | CONTACT The elitist Victorian sense of humour - that makes fun of both Aboriginal people and toothless bogans - has taken a hit today. This comes as Eddie McGuire has stood down as President of his beloved AFL club, Collingwood F.C, effective immediately. McGuire is held as the poster-child for the Victorian superiority complex that sees them hilarious ridicule both...

CLANCY OVERELL  | Editor | CONTACT The most politically activated demographic of the southern end of the Sutherland Shire have decided they might have had enough of their local member, according to the grapevine. This comes the Member For Hughes, Craig Kelly MP, continues to embarrass both the Liberal Party and his relatively safe Liberal electorate with Mullumbimby-style medical skeptic conspiracies. As the most powerful...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT The scales have tragically tipped in favour of the people as Redditors make history by actually achieving something this week. Over the last few days, Subreddit r/wallstreetbets managed to drive up the share price of US retail chain GameStop making big returns at the expense of billionaire hedge fund managers. One such hedge fund manager is Orville Van Dandleton...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT With January 26th now in his rearview, the head of the Federal Government's marketing department says he's keen to 'rip back in.' Speaking exclusively with The Betoota Advocate today, the Bloke-In-Chief explained that he can't wait to wheel out his favourite piece of policy once again. Sport. "Fuck, what a bloody song and dance Australia Day was this year,"...

CLANCY OVERELL  | Editor | CONTACT As was confirmed yesterday in Melbourne's CBD, the Australian White Supremacy that has masked itself as working class patriotism for the last decade has once again taken the hood off. A man dressed in a top emblazoned with 'Proud Boys' was briefly detained by Victorian police on Tuesday, after he clashed with those attending the Indigenous Rights march through...

FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact Betoota’s fourth favourite watering hole, The Seventh Giggling Cosmonaut (formerly known as the Imperial Hotel) has incorporated a unique feature into the newly-renovated front bar, which is designed to speed up drink transactions.  “I couldn’t figure out why the bar line was moving so slowly” said owner Ivan Farski. “I’d have three staff behind the bar and there...

FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact Local quilting enthusiast Sue Gravoy turned 50 on Thursday and marked the occasion with the traditional Gen-X symbolic Facebook posting of a non-ironic Minion meme.   Daughter Melissa was there for the historic coming-of-age moment when Sue carefully selected the allegedly funny meme and posted it to her Facebook wall, spoiling everybody’s day.  “Gosh, this one just nails it...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT A Betoota Heights local is a little suspicious of what’s in this new jab, given the short time frame it has been created in. Rob Quinn says he’s ‘not like an anti-vaxxer’ or anything, but he’s seen what happened in ‘I Am Legend’ and reckons the hastily developed vaccine sounds ‘sketchy as fuck’ and he definitely won’t be...