Breaking News

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT After another defeat at the hands of our neighbours across the ditch, Australia has issued some strong and swift retribution. Following the annual humiliating loss at Eden Park over the weekend, Australia has retaliated by sending New Zealand into a snap lockdown. Realising that we would be keeping our hands off the Bledisloe Cup for a 19th year...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The Deputy Premier of Newcastle Wollongong and Sydney (NSW) has today announced that he'll be taking this virus head on. John Barilaro fronted the media today to reveal that he will be launching legal action against the Delta variant. The conference comes 3 days after the big fella hid away and announced he was plunging regional NSW into...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The Australian government is currently at panic stations today, after a much-needed win has turned very salty this morning. The Prime Minister has fallen through again, after his promise of a million extra doses of Pfizer landing on Aussie shores has vanished into thin air. While we were supposed to be blessed with an extra million doses -...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT With lockdown continuing to hit the wedding industry harder than Pinterest DIY wedding tips, another couple raised a glass today in what would have been their wedding day if not for the delta variant.  As Sydney couple Jean and Ada sat in their apartment on the August weekend that would have been their wedding, they decided to give themselves...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Although primarily serving as a reminder that people have different political opinions to you, Facebook feeds are still providing users with an opportunity to feel like utter shit about themselves. One such incident took place for project manager Jason John (28) who had his day and dignity compromised by a Facebook advert for a product that claims to treat...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT After having successfully pushed the burden of pandemic management onto state governing bodies, part-time Prime Minister Scott Morrison has had an odd thought and has actually considered doing something. According to sources close to the PM, with Australia’s two biggest cities in lockdown and the ACT joining the virtual party, Mr Morrison has sensed lengthy lockdowns might not be...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT Today, local bachelor James Lunt confessed to being a whole new level of grubby today, when it was determined his bed sheets may have gone unwashed for some time. This realisation is said to have occurred when his mum had stayed for the weekend and decided to spruce the place up with a spring clean. When a simple sniff...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Despite the premier of New South Florida, Gladys Berijiklian, refusing to answer questions about why Bunnings is still open, The Advocate has obtained information that states the decision is coming from the top. Having earlier shown his prowess for nation-building by assembling a flatpack cubby house and chicken coop, occasional Prime Minister Scott Morrison has popped a few nails...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Deputy Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce has confirmed today that he will be standing firm on his refusal to tell George Christensen to stop talking shit. The assurance from Barnaby follows outrage that a sitting Member of the government has been allowed to stand in parliament and spout the kind of shit you see on your second cousin's Facebook....

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT After another tough few days around the nation, there's some positive news to round out the week. While the majority of Australians are stuck in lockdown, it's been revealed that pop star Britney Spears will be released from her 13-year lockdown. This follows Britney's father's decision to step down as the conservator of her 60 million dollar estate. He...