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Locked Down Man Just Forgets To Wake Up For A Day Or Two

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Sydney man Deangelo Moran (34) has finally given in to lockdown temptation and has straight up forgotten to wake up for the past two days.  After eight weeks of lockdown with at least five more on the way, Moran states he has previously been doing OK through the lockdown considering he has his health and that a militant extremist...

Cultured Brisbane Man Eats Entire Edamame Pod Because That’s How You Do It Apparently

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT A Brisbane bloke has tonight made it evident that he doesn’t get out much after making a pretty significant food faux pas at a local Japanese fusion restaurant. It’s alleged Jason Lewis was invited to the Mount Foodji restaurant by a couple of new workmates, who he’d instantly bonded within two weeks of starting his first engineering role. To...

Office Worker Attempts To Evade Notice By Claw Gripping Tampon On Bathroom Run

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT An office worker has today tried to evade the notice of her co-workers by tightly claw gripping a tampon on a dash to the bathroom, it’s reported.  Anna Lawson is said to have felt the tell-tale sign that aunty flo was making a visit when she was forced to fish around in her handbag without alerting a nearby...

Questacon Cleaner With Place To Herself Spends The Arvo Enjoying The Free Fall In Peace

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT With all the madness in the world of late, a Canberra woman has taken the opportunity to re-live her youth this week. As the Bush Capital approaches a week in lockdown after a young man spread the Sydney Sneeze around the town, a local cleaner says she's trying to enjoy a silver lining. The young mum who has...

Scotty Very Proud To Announce The Rescue Of 26 Joeys Boys From Kabul Airport

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The nation's head of marketing has fronted the media today with some welcome good news. Scotty has revealed that we as a nation have successfully rescued 26 Joeys boys from Afghanistan today. The huge win comes as the RAAF Hercules touched down in Dubai today, with 26 people on board, and a hundred or so empty spots on...

Australia Gets Vengeance For The Bledisloe By Sending New Zealand Into A Snap Lockdown

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT After another defeat at the hands of our neighbours across the ditch, Australia has issued some strong and swift retribution. Following the annual humiliating loss at Eden Park over the weekend, Australia has retaliated by sending New Zealand into a snap lockdown. Realising that we would be keeping our hands off the Bledisloe Cup for a 19th year...

John Barilaro Launches Defamation Action Against Delta Variant For Making Him Look Bad

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The Deputy Premier of Newcastle Wollongong and Sydney (NSW) has today announced that he'll be taking this virus head on. John Barilaro fronted the media today to reveal that he will be launching legal action against the Delta variant. The conference comes 3 days after the big fella hid away and announced he was plunging regional NSW into...

Government Disappointed To Learn Poland Has Just Sent Us A Million Pickled Cucumbers

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The Australian government is currently at panic stations today, after a much-needed win has turned very salty this morning. The Prime Minister has fallen through again, after his promise of a million extra doses of Pfizer landing on Aussie shores has vanished into thin air. While we were supposed to be blessed with an extra million doses -...

Couple Who Would Have Got Married This Weekend Get Drunk and Hungry Alone

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT With lockdown continuing to hit the wedding industry harder than Pinterest DIY wedding tips, another couple raised a glass today in what would have been their wedding day if not for the delta variant.  As Sydney couple Jean and Ada sat in their apartment on the August weekend that would have been their wedding, they decided to give themselves...

Facebook Ad For Hair Loss Ruins Balding Local Man’s Commute

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Although primarily serving as a reminder that people have different political opinions to you, Facebook feeds are still providing users with an opportunity to feel like utter shit about themselves. One such incident took place for project manager Jason John (28) who had his day and dignity compromised by a Facebook advert for a product that claims to treat...

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