Breaking News

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Windows have shattered and buildings have shaken across Melbourne this morning as Victoria experienced an out-of-character earthquake. The quake was recorded at magnitude 6, which is pretty red hot, and probably the first of its kind felt by many of those that felt it. Shaking was reported as far away as Canberra, Tasmania and Albury - with some drama...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT A local grot has gone full Mary Poppins, courtesy of a suggestive late-night text. Sam Haynes says he’d been sitting in his bed eating dusting off a packet of Doritos when his phone started buzzing. He’d been expecting another message from his group chat only to find that Jessica, one of his Tinder matches, wanted to ‘know...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT After a tough couple of years for the world, order has finally been restored to the universe this week. The feat comes from none other than Quade Cooper, who has returned the All Blacks to the top of the World Rugby rankings. Masterminding the two Wallabies victories over the World Champion Springboks, Cooper ensured that Kiwis took back...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Former Prime Ministerial hopeful Christian Porter has chalked up another big win, it can be confirmed this week. The man who was once the highest legal officer in the land has taken the huge scalp of the Australian Broadcasting Corporation, by resigning to the backbench. His resignation follows revelations that someone or some people had been anonymously paying...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The nation's fleeing Prime Minister has reportedly just had a big scare. Heading across the Pacific to take some photos with the US President, Scott Morrison's plane has reportedly been forced to make an emergency landing. While more than halfway across the ocean on a trip he didn't really need to go on, Morrison's special RAAF jet was...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT LIFELONG LOYALTY: Victoria has today recorded another 567 new community cases in greater Melbourne, bumping the number of active cases in the state to 5,675. There are 209 Victorians in hospital, 59 of those are in intensive care and 40 are on a ventilator. Of those in hospital, 86 per cent are not vaccinated and 12 per cent...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The National Farmers Federation has this week released the findings of a recent report into where the Outback officially starts. NFF President Fiona Simson says the 'DIVERSITY OF REMOTENESS' report was commissioned with the aim of advising legislators and bureaucrats in the different needs and characteristics of rural Australia. "We want to crush the myth that anywhere west of...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In a story that continues to get dodgier by the week, Christian Porter has resigned from Cabinet over the weekend. The former Attorney-General has stepped down from the government's front bench, after clinging on for as long as he could and vowing not to step down. In a lengthy statement attacking the ABC for wanting to report on...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT A group of girls has decided to switch things up today, choosing to talk about their raging stomach issues instead of shitty boys. This is said to have snowballed from one of the girls sending a picture of her severely bloated stomach, which was a result of consuming just one small bowl of pasta. Captioning it as ‘I look fucking...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A local man is carrying on today, it can be confirmed. Tom Mitchell has been convicted of doing so this weekend, after acting like he’s the first person to ever discover a niche alcoholic drink before.  “Oi, have one of these,” he yelled at a mate after obnoxiously walking into the gathering with a case on his shoulder.  Continuing to carry...