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Penrith Kickons To Continue Until They Are Officially Public Health Compliant

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT It was a bittersweet win for Panthers fans as they celebrated a premiership win from the comfort of their own homes that definitely don’t have guests that shouldn’t be there under current guidelines right now.  Luckily, Penrith residents have found a legal loophole and plan on kicking this party on until they are officially Covid safe again. Under current NSW...

Young Woman’s Shows Off New Disposable Income By Not Giving Herself Alcohol Poisoning At Pre-Drinks

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Visible achievement was on show today for French Quarter resident Sally Frizel (23) as she showed off her new disposable income by not giving herself alcohol poisoning during pre-drinks. After defying the odds and actually using her fresh degree to get a job with a decent salary, Frizel showed up for pre-drinks with her mates and drank with a...

Case Numbers Expected To Surge In Penrith And Redfern Over Next 24 Hours

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT As the NRL Grand Final draws near, health experts are expecting a huge surge in the number of cases in the areas of Penrith and Redfern over the next 24 hours. And also potentially South East Queensland where they are about to pack tens of thousands into a single venue. Health experts claim that before kickoff they are expecting...

“What’s One More Streaming Platform Anyway” Laughs Sydney Woman On Week 14 Of Lockdown

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT A young Sydney based woman who has just about had enough of this shit, has decided to treat herself.  Feeling a little under the weather after a bit of a session in the park with 4 of her closest girlfriends yesterday, Georgia Gralton decided to distract her very hungover brain.  With a brekky acai bowl and a long black only...

Souths Tragic Regales Stories Of The March Like He Was Fighting For The Right To Vote

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Everything is coming full circle for South Sydney tragic Corey Woodhead as he regaled anyone who’d listen with tales of The March like he was a woman fighting for the right to vote. On November 12, 2000, an estimated 80,000 supporters of the South Sydney Rabbitohs marched on Town Hall to protest the club's exclusion from the NRL competition. Although...

Car Using Driveway To Turnaround Prompts Dad To Perform Some Neighbourhood Espionage

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT A suburban dad has been roused from a deep slight today when a driver had the audacity to use his driveway to turn around. It’s alleged Ian Porter had been watching Motorcross when he fell asleep with the remote in his hand, ready to reprimand anyone from changing the channel, should his dozing brain pick up on anything other...

Girlfriend No Longer Feeling Flattered By New Boyfriend’s Short Stamina

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In some breaking news from Betoota’s French Quarter this morning, a local girlfriend isn’t seeing the funny side of things anymore.  Speaking to our reporter out the front of the Rue De Pochè cafe, Bethany Alderson confirmed that she’s had enough of laughing at her new boyfriend’s inadequacies.  “The fact he can’t wipe a bench properly was cute at first....

NSW Premier Gladys Berejiklian Resigns: “It’s Gonna Be A Hot Girl Summer”

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT In yet another example of a New South Wales Premier having to step down from their role due to a corruption investigation, Gladys Berejiklian has today announced that she will resign as soon as the Liberal Party can elect a new leader and will also resign from the NSW Parliament. The Premier has delivered a heartfelt resignation today, in...

Government Makes Illegal Vapes More Illegal

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT The coalition government is cracking down on the sales of illegal vapes this week, by making them even more illegal. As of October 1st, e-cigarette devices, or vapes, containing nicotine will only be available in chemists with a doctor's prescription meaning that medical professionals now get a say in whether or not you should be inhaling toxic substances.  This...

PM’s Candy Crush Sesh Ruined By Annoying Staffer Asking Him About EU Trade Deals Or Some Shit

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The Prime Minister has had his morning ruined after the selfish actions of one of his advisors today. Trying to enjoy a couple of weeks of peace and quiet in quarantine, Morrison's rest and relaxation was loudly interrupted by a pesky advisor asking him to read some boring briefings. The few days in isolation come after he...

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