IN-Focus

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A Kooyong man has shrugged today as Victorian Premier Dan Andrews blasts people who had illegal Grand Final Night parties and blamed them for the appalling spike in cases today. The man, who asked to remain anonymous, said that the virus is here to stay and that he couldn't really give a fuck about it. A...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact NSW Premier Gladys Berejiklian is expected to announce all spicy cough restrictions will be removed from 12pm today as Victoria threatens to break the national daily case record for 1599 that was set by NSW earlier this year. Victoria recorded 1438 cases today, which is pretty much double their previous record and twice as much...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A Betoota Grove father-of-four says that his adult children, three of which still live at home, are all nice people but at the end of the day, they're pretty fucking hopeless. Speaking candidly to our reporter at the Lake Betoota Golf Club front bar, John Cale explained that he has nobody to blame but himself...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Prime Minister's Office has attempted to hose down speculation that our reputation and relationship with Europe is in tatters today, telling reporters that the potential Free Trade Agreement with the EU Zone isn't really necessary in the long run. Scott Morrison explained that if the United Kingdom, a windswept plague island in the North...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Our Prime Bloke is currently in isolation down in Kirribilli House and receives daily briefings from one end of the garden. However, he's still got the run of the House and even gets to prepare his own curries in the kitchen as long as nobody else is there. This morning around 11, Scott Morrison received a...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A Betoota Heights man who owns a Jeep Wrangler and loves it reckons it's the perfect car for alpha blokes like him. Speaking from the heart to our reporter this afternoon down at the Greens Avenue Carwash, Adrian Bonella explained that he's in no rush to find someone to have his children. The 38-year-old said that...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The state media run by the Democratic People's Republic of Western Australia Government is claiming that 250 people will die per second in the Eastern States when restrictions are lifted there next month. It comes as the rogue state refuses to commit to opening up to the rest of the planet, with leader Mark...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact China's port in Darwin will be off-limits to our new nuclear submarines. The announcement was made today via state media in Beijing with the government suggesting that the ban is over environmental concerns similar to those harboured by the New Zealand Government. The move has blindsided Acting Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce, who told The Advocate today...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Because he doesn't live in a diseased hellhole in the icy south of the country, a know-it-all city worker in Brisbane is at the pub this afternoon regaling his workmates in why the Evergrande debt crisis in China is going to fuck everything. John Frum, a 26-year-old network architect, was also the office go-to...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Acting Prime Minister has vowed to never let the air of Southeastern Australia stink like burning flesh again - telling reporters in Canberra today that the best way to prevent that from happening is through jabs science. Barnaby Joyce recalled those grim days in Melbourne earlier this year when the Pangolin's Revenge returned for...