IN-Focus

High Court Finds Clive Palmer Can Suffer In His Jocks

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The High Court of Australia has rejected beanbag with eyes Clive Palmer's bid to enter our nation's prosperous West today, leaving the mining magnate with no other option than to wait it out like the rest of the filthy East. High Court Justice Richard Tickler handed down the verdict today in Canberra, where he made...

Hungover City Worker Puts Cloth Mask On In The Morning And Almost Dies From The Stench

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact An Old City District office worker has told The Advocate that the walls were closing in on him this morning as he put his cloth facemask on after last night spent at the pub. "I almost died," said Arjun Reddy, a 32-year-old art director at a local creative agency. "Being smothered by a rag that stinks...

Barnaby Pauses War On Social Media To Find Out Who Took A Shit On The Floor Of The TAB At The Dungowan Pub

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Deputy Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce has temporarily shelved his war on social media to focus his energy on finding out who took a shit on the floor of the Dungowan Pub's TAB. Mr Joyce told reporters last week that he's going to put Twitter and Facebook to the sword after they seemingly allowed 'anonymous cowards'...

Jesus To Perrottet: “Fuck Me! My Dad’s Plan Never Said Anything About 10000 Cunts At The Everest!”

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Son of God, Mr Jesus Christ, has lashed the NSW Premier's plan to allow 10 000 people to go to The Everest at Royal Randwick this weekend. "Fuck me!" said Mr Christ in a telephone call with the new New South Wales Premier Dom Perrottet today. "My Dad's plan never said anything about letting 10...

NewsCorp Announces Government’s Future Climate Change Policy

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The bits of paper that inner-city lefties use to clean their windows has announced today that the government either has to get on board with a green energy future or end up in opposition after the next election. News Corp, a company that terrifies people and reaffirms their own (often false) opinions, has splashed a...

Man Forgets South Australian Premier’s Name In A Sign That Things Are Returning To Normal

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A local meat axe who was already four schooners deep by the time The Advocate newsroom walked into the Royal Lord Commercial Hotel in the French Quarter has remarked that South Australian Premier, Steve Bracks, is a "bit of a unit". The man asked our reporter to refer to him only as Meat Axe as...

Barge-Arsed Sydney Yuppie With A Backyard And Heaps Of Cash Reckons Lockdown Was Easy As

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Some cunt in a blue shirt who got in touch with The Advocate today explained that the lockdown about to end in his hometown of Sydney wasn't that hard and that the people complaining need some perspective. From his large backyard full of mature plants and shade, Oli Plumb said he feels for people with...

Bloke Who Has Flat Out Given Up On Life Is Seriously Considering Buying A Subaru Tribeca

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A Betoota Heights man who has yet to feel a genuine connection to anything has sold his 2005 Holden Astra and is now on the hunt for an equally depressing automobile. Casey Cline told The Advocate today that he's seriously considering a Subaru Tribeca, a vehicle that represents the epitome of automotive mediocrity. The 36-year-old...

Man Watching Squid Game Wishes It Was Real And The People Being Killed Were D-List Celebrities

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact As the nation is currently in the Golden Age of low effort reality television, one local man has thought to himself watching Netflix's Squid Game that the same show would be really cool if it was real and the people being brutally murdered were washed up local celebrities. Without spoiling the rest of the...

PM: “The Ashes Are On, Please Send Your Thanks And Gratitude To My Office. Gifts Also Accepted.”

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Ashes are on and the summer of Test cricket has been saved. Prime Minister Scott Morrison got 18 Australian flags out for the morning press conference in Canberra to let the reporters know that he was about to make a big announcement. "I have saved The Ashes," he said. "I know. It was a tough...

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