IN-Focus

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Australians are being urged to take into account today that Australian Open doubles champion Nick Krygios has been awake now for three days so he might not be making a lot of sense right now. In addition to that, the nation's media are being told to perhaps let him sleep and maybe go for a...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact A local woman has tonight kicked her boyfriend out of the lounge room, for a back to back session of mega bogan's dating and depraved teen drama. It’s alleged Bec Wilson had been waiting all week for the pivotal Euphoria episode, which teaser trailer saw Cassie descending down the stairs in some skimpy swimwear at...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Prime Minister has been forced to duck questions from his greatest mentor this week as former Hillsong Pty Ltd CEO Brian Houston asks Scott Morrison where his "Australia Day" honour is. But Morrison has replied today, telling Brian that now is not a good time. "My King," said Morrison. "Now isn't a good time for me....

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Supermarkets across the Top End are empty because of flooding in South Australia and Queensland. The floodwaters have cut roads and washed away train lines, leaving the NT Government to ask the Feds for help. Speaking in Darwin this morning, the Territory's leader Michael Gunner said it's time for the Federal Government to step in...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Deputy Prime Minister, who is just a bloke from Danglemah, was forced to visit an art gallery today in the New England and was seemingly unimpressed by what he saw. Despite telling his staff repeatedly that he was no "culture vulture" and that he'd rather watch the Lady Ashes than look at paintings, Barnaby...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A group of local teachers have decided to pull the wool over the eyes of the principal today and put their combined RATs on the South Betoota Buy Swap Sell page in an effort to raise enough money to buy the classroom supplies they need. While traditionally classroom supplies were paid for in full by...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A middle-class bloke in a Politix suit who is largely devoid of any real personality has provided comfort to a friend this afternoon who is currently going through his first traumatic market correction. As the world markets and cryptocurrency exchanges continue to both freefall and burn out of control, seasoned digital asset investor Sam Rayford...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A fringe Australian Test player who's been sidelined repeatedly this summer with a myriad of mild injuries has looked on today as cricketer Beth Mooney plays in the first Ashes Test today with a broken face and just four days after having it screwed back together. Last week, Mooney was hit in the jaw by...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The nation's First Lady Jenny Morrison has been tasked by happy-go-lucky husband-go-Prime Minister Scott Morrison to find out why Australian of the Year Grace Tame isn't speaking to him at the nice party he threw for her at his gaff. "Can you just go over there and see why she's not talking to me anymore?"...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A holidaying Betoota Grove native has been told to go elsewhere today after trying and failing to gain access to the Lake Betoota Surf Club while wearing a pair of Bangalow Riding Boots. The 30-year-old-full-time-stay-at-home-son-of-some-cunt explained to the Club's security that they weren't just any unclosed shoe, they were Teva's which the man said...