IN-Focus

TRACEY BENDINGER | Local News | Contact Beth Arthur has let out an audible sigh and muttered “for fuck’s sake” under her breath this evening, after her husband – who promised to be on his best behaviour – locked eyes with his social kryptonite standing across the room. Tim, Beth’s husband, immediately ditched Beth and made a bee-line to his...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Betoota Heights couple Martha and Morris McKenzie have a special relationship, spanning five decades with the combined passion of one. Morris (64), is known amongst his co-workers as never being short of a funny story that features his attempts to unwind while ‘his missus’ (see wife) begs him for assistance to keep the house running. Critics of Morris...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Qantas CEO Alan Joyce has distanced himself from remarks he made earlier today about the West Australian Government, comparing it to North Korea. In a press conference today in Sydney, the popular Irishman first apologised for the remarks before clarifying them for the waiting media. "Oiy koinda few off the harndel thare, dudn't oiy?" chuckled Joyce. "Boht,...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Home Affairs Minister Peter Dutton has ramped up his cold war against the ABC today by telling people currently enduring floods in North Queensland that they should be getting their emergency updates from a real radio station, like Triple M, instead of some bias Labor love-in broadcaster like the ABC. Speaking to Slinky, Pogostick...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Two blokes got into a bit of a blue after their little red car broke down on the Diamantina Development Road today after the silly old prick in the scarf told the bloke who owns the fucking thing that he reckoned it was the starter than caused the car to stop working as they...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Some of the most self-interested sirloin-eating barnacles that cling to the walls of corporate boxes around the country are meeting today to discuss how they can fuck things up even further with negotiations with Australia's Men's Cricket Team coach Justin Langer. Langer's contract with the nation's peak cricketing body is set to expire later this...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The terms Blood, Sugar, Sex and Magik are completely lost on a Betoota Heights man as he's somehow able to walk around town in high-top Chuck Taylor Converse sneakers without being addicted to the shindig. The fraud, who calls himself Simon, says he enjoys wearing the high-top version of the popular childrens' shoe because...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Journalism's rudeboy Peter Van Onselen has ambushed another guest at the National Press Club today after asking Reserve Bank Governor Phillip Lowe if he murdered a vagrant back in the early 80s. "Mr Lowe, is it true that in 1981, you set a homeless man on fire outside a Sydney nightclub?" PVO asked. The Governor just...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact After being ambushed yesterday at the National Press Club with questions regarding the cost of living, Prime Minister Scott Morrison has decided to give up pretending to be a dim-witted bloke from the Shire. Scott Morrison has manufactured a new alter-ego overnight with the help of a focus group that represents a slither of the...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The time for panic is near but it is not today, that's the message from popular bank simp Phillip Lowe today who decided to keep interest rates at an all time low. For the upteenth consecutive quarter, the Reserve Bank has decided to protect banks and their speculative investor customers for another quarter because when...