IN-Focus

Study Confirms ‘Wanderlust’ Loosely Translates To ‘Crippling Credit Card Debt’

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Australia's peak scientific body confirmed today that the Millennial generation's fourth favourite word, wanderlust, is loosely translated from the Middle High German word of the same spelling that means 'crippling credit card debt'. While originally thought to have its root in the Germanic phrase, 'Can you just pay for my airfares, dad?', researchers from the CSIRO...

Sparky Asks Chippy If He’s Got Much Work On At The Moment

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Advocate can reveal today that a local tradesman has taken time out of his busy afternoon to ask a fellow tradesman if he has much work on at the moment. Exchanging a few words while maintaining the status quo, Dennis Coleman, a local roofer and Martin McDougall, a local plumber, both asked each other...

“Surely She’d Be Done By Now” Says Increasingly Drunk Mates Surrounding Spit Roast

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A large group of blokes that have spent the last two and half hours hovering around the lamb spit aren't certain, but they reckon that might be enough, surely. "Come on. That's gotta be done by now" says one salivating idiot. "Yeah tell me about it. It's not like he's looking back at us" says another. However, as is usually...

Local Hero Plans To Eat Red Meat Tomorrow And Make Sure Everyone Knows About It

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A North Betootanese father-of-four revealed to The Advocate today from the deck of his Daroo St Queenslander that he's planning on eating a steak and other non-Halal meats tomorrow regardless of what anybody thinks. Glenn Martin has already told seven unrelated people today that he's going to eat red meat and he 'doesn't give a...

Bloke Drinking Water Out Of Protein Shaker Definitely Works Out Heaps Aye

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A coworker with a big stature is apparently a gym junkie, it has been confirmed. While holding the reigns to a white collar job that is pretty much just as boring as he is, the spreadsheet jockey has confirmed that he works out heaps, by deciding to only drink water out of a plastic protein powder shaker. Despite the...

Electro DJ Pioneers Entirely New Music Genre Without Releasing A Song

LEROY PERCIVAL | Central-Coast Queensland Folk-Rock Editor | CONTACT Local producer Cooper Campese, who claims to have invented the EDM sub-genre 'Goose Step' on his Instagram bio, has today handed himself his own resignation letter after admitting that he never actually got around to writing any songs. The 20 year-old, who goes by the name DJ Scratchin' Tendulker, says that the decision came...

Pub Patron Given Unnecessary Amount Of Shit For Having Coaster Stuck To His Schooner

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Patrons at Betoota's Lord Kidman Hotel stood in awe this afternoon as a local concreter, Rick (29), obliviously drank from a schooner glass with the coaster stuck to the bottom. Rick, who was initially acting a bit shy in the spotlight, said he has no idea how it happened. "Some of the punters were kind of into it... But some where...

Facebook Feels Man Should Be Notified Of Former Classmate’s Birthday

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Lewis Pynchon took the time this morning to thank Facebook for letting him know that it's Stan McCarthy's birthday today - a bloke he hasn't seen or heard of since he completed a COM305 group project with hin June 2009. "While I appreciate the sentiment, I'm going to have to pass on passing on my...

Bloke Manning Barbie Hopes Everyone Saw Him Pouring Beer On The Hot Plate

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local alpha male who has taken on the duty of cooking all of the meat at a barbecue in the park, has nonchalantly poured beer on the hot plate several times now, as though it's some sort of traditionally family recipe. Friends say that there was absolutely no questions asked when local outdoor furniture retailer, Shaun (28)...

Motorist Relishes In Opportunity To Blow Horn At Other Motorists Who Mildly Inconvenience Him

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact As Theo Delonghi pulled up to the intersection of Boyd and Longhurst in Betoota's Old City district, he noticed that he was about to get the green light to proceed across the intersection. However, some inconsiderate colostomy-bag-of-a-human-being, by his own description, had queued across said intersection - which caused mild inconvenience to the supplement store owner. So as the light...

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